Would you see this as a betrayal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
Would you see this as a betrayal?
1
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 1:15pm

Where do i start?


Feel like i have been feeling confused for ever!!! About 2 years ago i met this girl and we got on so well that we became best of friends and while this was going on i started to see alot of similarities between her an H. At the time this sparked off alot of insecurities in me (our relationship was too constricting we never left each other which doesnt build confidence) so i picked and i picked for about 9 months and eventually things came to a head and he left. Swearing i was being paronoid.


So while my world came crashing down around me this lass was also having problems with her H (i understand my accusations didnt help but when you feel that way you cant help it) So they were on and off for a few months all the while my ex had moved out and i was devestated and this girl was consoling me.


Long story short she and her H moved away and are starting a new life now. I on the otherhand am still seperated from my H. There has always i felt something between us still and we saw loads of each other as i got stronger with the help of counselling. We had kind of started trying to get back on track but i felt something was holding him back


Now H has dropped the bombshell that they did get off with each other for a few months when we were not together and i am devestated.


Im furious with my so called friend how can she console me and be at it with my H???


H says he fell in love with her and only ended things because she went back to her H!!! When asked why did he tell me he just said he wanted to tell me before the end of the year.


How could he fall out of love so quick with me? Do you think he could have really loved me if he fell for her so quick? Did he really love her? Or did he cling to her in the wreck of our damaged relationship? Is it a betrayal if we werent together? It was less than a month after we had been together 5 years


He says he just wants to see how things go but i cant help feeling that im second best that if her H wasnt there mine would be!!!


Im so hurt and confused anyones opinions would be great thanks x

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 06-29-2009 - 10:02am

First, I am so sorry that you have to be here. This is a club that we all hate being a part of. Your instincts were right all along. Isn't it good to find out that you weren't crazy after all when you had those suspicions and they denied it. Remember that your intuition is God's way of telling you that something is wrong. For me, finding out that my DH was really betraying me and I wasn't just being paranoid was bitter sweet.


How could he fall out of love so quick with me? Do you think he could have really loved me if he fell for her so quick? Did he really love her? Or did he cling to her in the wreck of our damaged relationship? Is it a betrayal if we werent together? It was less than a month after we had been together 5 years


The first thing you should do is expose your DH and your friend's A to her H. Tell him and expose it because cheaters thrive on secrecy. Just because she's moved away and they are saying that it's over doesn't mean that they are telling the truth. Cheaters lie and cover up for each other. So tell her DH ASAP and don't let your DH or your so-called friend talk you out of it. Don't even tell them you are going to talk to her DH just do it. Do you really think that this person wouldn't continue to lie to you about sleeping with your DH now when she bodly pretended to be your friend and slept with him. She is not in a good place in her life and she doesn't value friendship, marriage and she has not integrity.


Your DH is in an A fog. He is consumed with the feel goods of the affair fantasy. An A is a world without bills, nagging kids, and all the other things that come into play in real life, therefore ppl in an A can relax and pretend that what they have is the real thing without all the stresses of life, therefore sometimes they feel like they are in love. I don't think that your DH fell in love with her, because ppl who are in love move mountains for each other. They don't sneak and hide out and lie about being together