the wound still bleeds..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
the wound still bleeds..........
15
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:02am

Why do I even care? Why am I almost obsessed with what the OW is up to? Why am I driving past her house to see if it is still for sale? Why do I still check the cell bill looking for her #. I am rebuilding my marriage and yet I am keeping my eyes wide open for signs of her. Logically I know my H would never go back to her, but I never thought he'd go to her to begin with! Today I looked up the web site of the organization we were in when we met her, the same organization that basically banned us - not really banned us but I would have never let my kids join them again even if we didn't move and anyway She is now A DIRECTOR! This predator is now welcomed by those same people who knew me and my H and family for 10 years before she came along, some of the board members knew about her, some knew about her and my H and didn't mention it to me, these people who looked at me with pity when I found out and looked at her and my H with disgust, these people who have been cheated on or have cheated when I couldn't even fathom life that way - now have made her a director! I know I am better off and a way better person but I was the one lost when the A broke, I was the one ashamed to show my face, I was the one fighting to breathe and the OW just went on living - In fact the woman she is an assistant to is the one who told me the A wasn't just emotional that the OW told her it ws physical, and now she works side by side with the youth and that OW. I don't understand. I don't understand why her life isn't in shambles? Why she isn't suffering? Why she isn't hiding in shame? Why those people welcome her but have no words for me. I just need to vent - I just was caught off guard - maybe I haven't let it all go yet - but this wound keeps bleeding even after I think I am healed and it really sucks! I just want to know what is is like for her? How come she can be happy?


Shatttered 10/17/07 and still not the same :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:45am
She can be happy because she is an amoral person who did what she wanted and to heck with whoever got hurt, as long as she was happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 10:49am
I'm sorry - all I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 11:36am

The wound still bleeds for me also, At times I try to just let everything out as it help my sanity.


We will never be the same. Our lives are changed for the worse. Some people rebuild some just call it quits but there a sense of trust that is lost.


Jack..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 1:26pm

read my post of today's date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2009
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 2:13pm

There are times that I feel like I am drowning. I have 4 amazing daughters and I try to shield them from all of the crap that is going on. My family and friends have told me that I do the "Papa Bear" really, really well. What I still have a hard time with is that W told my mother that she never intended to leave the family, WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like she is the only one that makes the decision!!!!!!!


It always amazes me that the ARROGANCE of the cheating spouse. She wasn't going to leave the family. Its as if the world revolves her and everyone else be damned....


Just take it one day at a time....


Jack...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 6:51am

Yeah that's another thing I have a hard time with - the "I wasn't planning on leaving you for her"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 8:19am

I know about feeling the shame. I myself have ended social dates with ALL of our old friends.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2008
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 9:17am

Thank you georgiannasx! I was doing so well - I am over 1 year rebuilding and I still find myself crippled by the pain. I have days where I think wow no tears and then I have days where I am consumed by sadness. I hope by two years I am more stable as other posters have said. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 5:36pm
YOu know what, you are totally and completely not alone on this. My husband came downstairs with a nice tie and shirt on today and the first thought that came into my mind was , so was this for his office girlfriend?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 8:25pm
My H basically told me the same thing. He said" I never thought about you finding out or having any consequences from this because I never thought you would find out." I think they all think alike, or maybe read from the same cheaters manual. And I think we all wonder how long would this have gone on had they not gotten busted. As raging said ARROGANCE. I think they do get very arrogant when having an A. Arrogant enough to think they can get away with it. But boy does all that arrogance fly out the window when they get busted. Then they act like cowards and try to deny everything.

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