the wound still bleeds..........
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|Mon, 02-16-2009 - 9:02am|
Why do I even care? Why am I almost obsessed with what the OW is up to? Why am I driving past her house to see if it is still for sale? Why do I still check the cell bill looking for her #. I am rebuilding my marriage and yet I am keeping my eyes wide open for signs of her. Logically I know my H would never go back to her, but I never thought he'd go to her to begin with! Today I looked up the web site of the organization we were in when we met her, the same organization that basically banned us - not really banned us but I would have never let my kids join them again even if we didn't move and anyway She is now A DIRECTOR! This predator is now welcomed by those same people who knew me and my H and family for 10 years before she came along, some of the board members knew about her, some knew about her and my H and didn't mention it to me, these people who looked at me with pity when I found out and looked at her and my H with disgust, these people who have been cheated on or have cheated when I couldn't even fathom life that way - now have made her a director! I know I am better off and a way better person but I was the one lost when the A broke, I was the one ashamed to show my face, I was the one fighting to breathe and the OW just went on living - In fact the woman she is an assistant to is the one who told me the A wasn't just emotional that the OW told her it ws physical, and now she works side by side with the youth and that OW. I don't understand. I don't understand why her life isn't in shambles? Why she isn't suffering? Why she isn't hiding in shame? Why those people welcome her but have no words for me. I just need to vent - I just was caught off guard - maybe I haven't let it all go yet - but this wound keeps bleeding even after I think I am healed and it really sucks! I just want to know what is is like for her? How come she can be happy?
Shatttered 10/17/07 and still not the same :(