You've heard it all before!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
You've heard it all before!!!!!!
4
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 9:49am

Hi everybody My name is Dawnn


I am new here. I have been lurking for a couple of weeks. I actually posted but the computer froze and it never appeared.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 2:41pm
I'm thinking you read my post "Cheating Husband". Met her at the gym, he was down, she said the right thing at the right time...so on and so on. It's been so hard for me to let go. I have brought things up and thrown it back in his face. He has stopped talking to her, stopped emailing, no more MySpace, nothing. I want to believe that deep down, but I can't control the fact that I want to look at her myspace to see if he may still be talking to her and she will give it away by stating her mood and status (I can't look at her profile, it's private and i'm not her friend so i cannot see it) I can just see her mood and status. And lemme tell you, she has put some crazy things on there that i automatically associate with my husband. things like "you changed my life" "you put a light in my life and i think i'm addicted to your light" blah blah blah. anyways, he has said matter-of-factly that he wants me, he made a huge terrible mistake and he loves me and realized he was an idiot, etc. my problem now, is letting go of her little mind games by looking at her myspace. he doesn't want to relive any of his mistake, understandably, but he also realizes that i will have bad days, need reassurance and i can't forget. he knows this he has said it out of his mouth, even. he wants me to move past it but doesn't expect me to forget or not have bad days. he knows i have trust issues and he's ok with that. he places no blame on me whatsoever. if you want it to work, MAKE it work. i have heard too many negative things about rebuilding after an affair, even on this board, and it's time more positive can come out of things. especially when you love your husband and you know deep down he loves you. i have to think he was at a low point in his life, he thought i didn't want him anymore, i had made new friends, and granted, i wasnt paying him alot of attention. but i
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 3:28pm

Hi


It was your post that I was reading about my own life.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2009
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 4:17pm
Hey! I just emailed your
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 3:09pm

I am sorry that you are here, but before I address anything, I want to tell you that it is a huge mistake to keep him from seeing the kids. Talk to a lawyer immediately about this. Even if you don't get a D, knowing what your rights and responsibilities are is absolutely necessary in a situation like this. Don't use your kids to hurt him.

It sounds like you are beginning to pull yourself out of the madness of those first few weeks. It is an awful time.

Now is the time to decide what sort of life you want and if you want your H in it. If you decide to give him a chance, have a list of what you need to see from him before you will let him back in. What does he need to prove to you? What concrete actions do you need to see?

I would at the very least need:
1. Total NC
2. Individual therapy at first and if things go well, couples therapy.
3. He would have to live up to his responsibilities both financially and emotionally without you having to cajole or baby him.
4. He would have to woo you
5. He would have to show you beyond a shadow of a doubt that you and your children are his firs priority.
6. He would have to do the hard emotional work of ensuring this will never happen again.