1st DDay Anniversary

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
1st DDay Anniversary
11
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 3:17pm
Welp...tomorrow is the day.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 5:55pm

Try and do something special for yourself. Take time to cry if that is what you need. Just know that each day it does get better. The first d-day anniversary is the hardest in time it will no longer hold the pain you feel right now...


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 8:01am
You have plenty of time to get ready for next year. Somehow plan to go away together for this anniversary next year, someplace new with new sights and sounds and stimulation. Spend a lot of time planning for it, go out with your husband on a shopping trip and try on a few things,
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 11:29am

Not having gotten that far I can't speak to how I'll react, but its natural this will be a HUGE reminder.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 3:08pm

Thank you all for your support!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 6:19pm

Yeah, d-day anniversaries are no fun. For me, an anniversary is a time to look back and re-examine the event, so I pretty much spent the whole day being pouty and mad and whatever. After a year, I felt that it had been long enough that sometimes it felt awkward to feel like that - like I should be further along than that, so I took the opportunity to sort of regress and relive and rethink some of the things that were a blur to me in shock of initial discovery.

As far as setting an example for your kids, I assume at their ages that they don't know what happened? I heard somewhere recently that a problem with marriages now-a-days is that people just leave as soon as there is any sign of trouble. They like the "better" part, but they won't work through the "worse" part. I think it's the going through hell with someone that really builds a relationship and someday your kids may need that example in their own marriage. Of course, we have to decide it we're being strong and noble to stay and work it out, or if we're being foolish to stay, but we each have to decide that for ourselves and I guess only time will tell.

I am 18 months past d-day and still riding this crazy roller coaster. Some days I still feel like I haven't gotten very far, but I think the two steps forward one step back best describes what it's been like for me.

I hope the rest of your day goes/went well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 8:56am

Are you doing better now, today?


Has he been helpful with the rebuilding. I was saddened reading the things he said to you 'over there'.

.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2009
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 4:30pm
I feel your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 10:21am

Thank you all for each and every comment and word of support!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 1:47pm

Dear Hurt,

You Wrote: "Since DDay, I always feel sad when I see other people so desperately in love. That's how I thought we were. I thought we'd survive anything together. Maybe this is my "anything"...who knows."

I had similar thoughts shortly after I discovered my H’s A. I felt like the wonderful life and love we shared was gone; it was all a fantasy, a lie. But, that just isn’t true. What we’ve gone through is certainly painful and one of the worst things that could happen to a marriage, but we are surviving it and we are stronger and closer despite it. Marriage and life in general are full of struggles, when we don’t let these struggles defeat us and we make it to the other side that is survival in my book.

If statistics are correct, 60% of married women will experience this pain. During our first year after discovery, we were a wreck. My husband wasn’t sure he wanted to stay M and I wasn’t sleeping, eating and spent much of time crying when ever alone. Very few of our friends or family knew of our struggle during those dark days (or even now), so for the outside world we put on our ‘happy faces’. I can remember a new friend at the time, telling me on several occasions that she dreamed of a relationship like ours! Had she only known the truth. The lesson I learned from this is you have no idea what is really going on in any situation when looking at it from the outside. I’m less judgmental in all situations now because of this experience.

Your Wrote, "H did the best he could with me this past week. On DDay Anniversary, he hired a babysitter and just got me out of the house and took my wrath for the evening. We had a nice dinner and spent some time shopping for our daughter. He really wants to help me feel better...but I just feel that this is something I must weather on my own...he DID this to me...he can't make it better!!!"

Sounds like your H did well. You are right; he can’t make it better for you. You have to make yourself better. He can only help to make himself better and the marriage better by doing the things you describe above. I found that my H and our M improved way before I did. You have to figure out what will make it better for you.

I am just over 2 yrs out from the 2nd D-day, and I am finally feeling peace within myself. For the longest time, I just couldn’t stop the thoughts from invading my head. It got to the point where I seriously considered leaving the M because I was just so tired of thinking about it. But, I knew that that was not what I ultimately wanted. So I took a hard look at how my life and the life of those I love would be effected if I could not move on and now I am doing the work I need to get there.

I hope that next year on this date, you will remember the dinner out with your H and not the pain from the d-day experience. Each year does get better, although I remembered the exact date on the 2 anniversary of the first d-day; it wasn’t a painful day. And the second d-day anniversary I can’t even remember the exact date of that one, thank goodness!

I wish you well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 6:13pm

Dear Chall:


Thank you for the long post!

 

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