3 years down
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|Fri, 06-12-2009 - 6:27am|
Hi all. I use to be Toridog2006. I have posted once or twice since my conversion to koru40. I remember so well be new and fresh to this board and my experience in the "real world" where people turn out to not be what you thought. I remember my endless nights on this board looking for a glimmer of hope. I remember too those who were "old timers" who came back to give that hope.
Today, 3 years from the day my life fell apart, I come back again (I'm here every few months) to pass that light along. I remember those early days when I felt as though I wouldn't make it through the day, and the thoughts of 3 years was inconceivable. Yet here I am 3 years later, back again to offer a light to those of you who are so new to this horrible world.
I made it through it all. My marriage is still in tact although very different. My husband saw the affair for what it was, a symptom of the mess that he made of his life. he spent 2 years in counseling and is still very thoughtful and insightful about his moods and feelings. I am no longer the bad guy in my marriage. he is a wonderful, supportive husband, all I could ask for.
Our lives have changed, he quit his job where the OW was a secretary in the office, we took a year long working holiday and moved to another country. We enjoy eachother and our lives much more. We have done adventures I never thought possible. My H got his first tattoo last weekend. It was a nice moment as he did it not because he was looking for something to fill a void in his life but because he felt it was an expression of who he was.
How am I? I guess I'm good. I've seen and done things in the last three years that I never thought I would, good things that is. I guess my life never would have taken this course if things had been different. In so many ways my life is so much better. My H is strong and I feel safe in my marriage. I know I can talk to him. There is a part of me that is still quite scarred and I don't think he'll ever understand how deep that scar goes. I still think about the affair quite frequently but only in terms of where we would be if? I don't beat myself up anymore "if only" and I don't get angry anymore. I look at it like I thought about other things that happened in my past, with a critical eye.
I just came tonight to tell evryone that life does go on. My life happen to go on with my husband but not everybody's does. Either way it is okay. You are in control of your life, and you will make it better with or wothout your spouse. There is a bright future. These dark days don't last. Just live day to day to start with, take care of your health, love yourself, don't blame yourself and know that you decide how people treat you. There is a light out there. Others held it for me now I hold it for you.