3 years down

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
3 years down
9
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 6:27am

Hi all. I use to be Toridog2006. I have posted once or twice since my conversion to koru40. I remember so well be new and fresh to this board and my experience in the "real world" where people turn out to not be what you thought. I remember my endless nights on this board looking for a glimmer of hope. I remember too those who were "old timers" who came back to give that hope.

Today, 3 years from the day my life fell apart, I come back again (I'm here every few months) to pass that light along. I remember those early days when I felt as though I wouldn't make it through the day, and the thoughts of 3 years was inconceivable. Yet here I am 3 years later, back again to offer a light to those of you who are so new to this horrible world.

I made it through it all. My marriage is still in tact although very different. My husband saw the affair for what it was, a symptom of the mess that he made of his life. he spent 2 years in counseling and is still very thoughtful and insightful about his moods and feelings. I am no longer the bad guy in my marriage. he is a wonderful, supportive husband, all I could ask for.

Our lives have changed, he quit his job where the OW was a secretary in the office, we took a year long working holiday and moved to another country. We enjoy eachother and our lives much more. We have done adventures I never thought possible. My H got his first tattoo last weekend. It was a nice moment as he did it not because he was looking for something to fill a void in his life but because he felt it was an expression of who he was.

How am I? I guess I'm good. I've seen and done things in the last three years that I never thought I would, good things that is. I guess my life never would have taken this course if things had been different. In so many ways my life is so much better. My H is strong and I feel safe in my marriage. I know I can talk to him. There is a part of me that is still quite scarred and I don't think he'll ever understand how deep that scar goes. I still think about the affair quite frequently but only in terms of where we would be if? I don't beat myself up anymore "if only" and I don't get angry anymore. I look at it like I thought about other things that happened in my past, with a critical eye.

I just came tonight to tell evryone that life does go on. My life happen to go on with my husband but not everybody's does. Either way it is okay. You are in control of your life, and you will make it better with or wothout your spouse. There is a bright future. These dark days don't last. Just live day to day to start with, take care of your health, love yourself, don't blame yourself and know that you decide how people treat you. There is a light out there. Others held it for me now I hold it for you.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 8:03am
Thanks for this lovely post - glad to hear that you are doing so well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 9:48am
Its nice to hear a positive story. Im happy you were able to make it work and weathered the storm.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 10:20am

I really appreciate your post!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 10:23am

Koru,

Good to hear an update from you. I am glad to hear that life is going well for you!

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 11:24am

L,


Thanks for coming back to tell us that.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

Avatar for cirrus1993
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 6:06pm
Thank you so much for sharing this, as I often wonder what it will be like down the road.
Avatar for rob2sj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: koru40
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 12:54pm

I remember you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 11:06am

Koru,
Thank you so much for posting this! I am in the midst of 2 years ago exactly that the A was occurring. I am struggling now with so many emotions and since the OW is around all the time, (our 11yo's play on a baseball team together) it is really hard for me right now. Your experience gives me hope that things will get better with time.

I have no fear he will ever start a relationship w/ her again. Her behavior after it was over was so low-class, I know she has turned him off completely. He does not even want to mention her, and although he won't admit it - I sense that he's embarrassed that he was ever attracted to her. She is a very attractive woman on the outside but very ugly on the inside. She is still cruel to me, to this day.

We have a happy life together but my scars are very deep. I am a changed woman because of it. The memories everywhere we go right now remind me of that awful time 2yrs ago. I wish I could just enjoy this time with my family but he has no idea how much damage this has caused.

Please keep posting. It is good to hear the positive. I really needed that today.

-Beach_chic

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2009
In reply to: koru40
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 11:44am

Thank you for your positive post.