36 yr mariag-I OOT -He did unthinkable

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
36 yr mariag-I OOT -He did unthinkable
22
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 10:52pm

Jackie

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 11:09pm

WOW. I am sorry for your pain. I was married 5 years, I guess it doesnt really matter but to throw away 36 years for 10 minutes of worthless sex...incomprehensible. I hope you dont blame yourself. There is no excuse for this type of cowardly behavior. If your not happy, leave and then do this crap. I pray you find peace and some resolution. I have found this board to be a form of therapy. Talk about your feelings, it will help.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:10am

Thank u so much for your sincere input. He was seeing OW for awhile but he had told me that he broke it off with her. I started to believe him.


When I had heart attack he moved back into house to care for me because I didn't have anyone else. Then a month later I had open heart surgery. Again he cared for me. I wanted to go to a nurseing home but my 2 doctors were totally against it. They both knew that my husband had hurt me because I told them the entire story too.


Husband said that "God put us back together for a reason". Perhaps that's true. Since i get better every day I've learned that he went out with her just 2 weeks ago. I went crazy screaming andhollaring at him.

Jackie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:21am
I emailed all the people on my wifes facebook account. I didnt go berserk, but wrote to the men she was contacting. If you feel it will help you heal then do it. I would say use restraint and be dignified. Tell her how her behavior and actions have made you feel and the pain she has caused you.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:47am

No, I don't think you should contact OW as she really really does not care about anyone but herself. She had sex in YOUR bed with YOUR H then would not leave your house when your daughter asked her too. I am sure she saw the hurt and rage in your daughters eyes but still would not leave? This OW is ruthless you see?


Thats all good and fine that your H is caring for you due to your heart attack. But then he is STILL seeing OW? Does he wish you to have another heart attack?


What do you plan to do when your are feeling better? If I were you I would consult with a lawyer to see what your options are.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 1:02am

Thanks for advice. I am not sure how to email the men on My Space. I could learn I guess. I have to think about it because You can imagine what I'd like to write.


I really wanted to write what I think of her . She knows we are married but I guess she doesn't care. I have been married 36 years and been loyal faithful. He's been married for maybe 25 or 30 years.

Jackie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 1:08am

You are right, she doesn't care. He kept asking me to go fishing but I didn't feel well enough so I stayed home. Well 2 weeks ago I saw she went with him on her my space web site.


I put 2 and 2 together. She didn't state his name but she was the

Jackie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 8:43am
Your H has shown you his true character, sad to say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 10:03am
There are exceptions, but usually it's recommended to not contact the AP.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 1:51am

I cant really say if your son is correct or not, but what do you feel? I learned to listen to my gut and it was ALWAYS right. Deep down, what do you feel your husband really wants? Also, if your H is still in the fantasy of the affair then his thoughts are mostly about how to keep it going. You will most likely have to give him a wake up call in order for him to see the light and most of the time it has to be a HUGE wake up like you going to an attorney and starting the process of D.


If your husband is like many in long term marriages (mine too), then he is probably afraid of being alone. Most of the time they do not plan to end up with the OW in the long run but are unwilling to give up the attention and ego boost they get from the OW fawning over them. Many cheaters become addicted to their AP also and refuse to accept the fact that they must end all contact to break free of it.


Do not think you have to make any firm decisions this early on. But now is the time to get the legal information and start forming an exit plan. I am a firm believer that all betrayed spouses need to do this. Our H have shown what they are capable of and we need to be prepared if the time comes when we must end the marriage.


I hope you are getting better day by day. Hang tough

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 11:17pm

Jackie

 

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