Am I just overreacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Am I just overreacting?
15
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:34pm

So, DH and I are supposed to be rebuilding after his PA and EA and 1 night stand, although sometimes I don't see the point (I think I'm retarded for thinking he'll change). Anyway, last DDay was 6 months ago, and as far as I know he's been good since then. But, he hasn't been trustworthy - he lies about going out drinking and to bars with friends.


Anyway, he started a new job about a month ago, and I should've known this was coming because I know that EMTs usually are male-female teams. However, I had envisioned him working for a 911 service, 2 24-hour shifts a week, and being home the rest of the time. Instead, he's working for a service where he works 10-hour days 6 days a week - and his partner is a skinny little 19 year old. She's married, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about - shouldn't, but hey my H was married too when he cheated on me. Now, I'm only 22, so not old by any means, but I'm bigger than her, and maybe I'm just insecure or jealous or something, but I don't like him being with this girl 60 hours a week.


We talked about it when he found out she would be his partner, and I told him I understood that it's just the way EMS is, but that it needed to be a professional relationship, not one where he was friends with her outside of work or anything like that. So, he comes home from work yesterday, texting her! Not about anything inappropriate, but he's been with her for 10 hours so wtf is he doing still talking to her when he's at home??? Then I find out that he went to eat at a little mexican restaurant with her for lunch yesterday, which really shouldn't be any big deal because obviously they have to eat lunch, except that he bought an expensive lunch for himself and he hasn't taken me out to lunch hardly at all - btw I'm 9 months pregnant and all I crave is mexican food. So, that part at least is pregnancy hormones and not really him doing anything wrong.


What I really don't like, and want to know if I'm overreacting about is him talking to her outside of work, and what they do while they're at work. When they have downtime they don't just go back to the station. He was talking last night about it and said that they were going to have 4 hours of nothing to do today. So his idea of what they would do was "Oh, she likes walks in the park, so maybe we'll go do that. Or we could go to a movie. Just kidding....oh, but there would be time." WTF??????? I'm sorry, but movies and walks in the park are things you do on a date, not while you have downtime with a co-worker. Especially when you don't go to movies or walks in the park with your wife. So, I asked him "Well, since you're going to be in this area tomorrow, why don't you stop by and y'all can eat lunch with me during your downtime?" Which he says he

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 1:39pm
Regardless of whether your pregnant or not it is not a good idea for opposite sex co-workers to spend too much alone time together. Add to that that your H has already had one indiscretion that you know of and I think you do have something to keep your eyes open about. What I don't get is why he can leave and possibly go to the movies or for a walk in the park but can't come home to spend time with you on his down time??????????
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 1:50pm

What I don't get is why he can leave and possibly go to the movies or for a walk in the park but can't come home to spend time with you on his down time??????????


That's exactly what I don't get. Oh and to clarify, he's not leaving - they're on the ambulance so they would just leave it parked while they walk around, see a movie, whatever before they go pick up their patient.


Regardless, it makes no sense to me. He claims that it's because the last 2 people who worked there and went home during downtime got fired. Which makes even less sense

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 2:23pm
So he can go to VS but can't come home. Unless there is some specific company rule that he was told going home during downtime is prohibited I still don't get it. I think them going to VS is totally inappropriate also. If she wants something from VS she should be going there with a girlfriend or with her husband and not some other guy. I would feel really weird doing that myself. Maybe you should ask your H how he would feel if you went to VS with a male co-worker and picked out sexy wear. Or how do you think her husband would feel about it. I bet he would not be too happy about it either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 3:46am

Ugh, I just feel sick now, and I can't sleep. H went out for several hours tonight to "think by himself." Well, he stayed out way later than I expected him to, and even though he kept in contact with me, I had this feeling to check his phone. He claims that he was at his friend Gary's house...but there are several calls back and forth between him and his work partner, including her texting him at 2am. Granted the one text there is just to ask when work is tomorrow....but he erased all his other texts, so who knows what those said. I have a feeling that he either wasn't the only one at Gary's or that wasn't where he was at all. I just don't trust him....and add to that the fact that when he had his PA it started right at the end of my last pregnancy, and went on during the first few months of our daughter's life. So, now when I'm 9 months pregnant seems like perfect timing for him to start right up again.


And to top it all off, when I asked him whether he had thought about things and decided anything, he basically said "well it is what it is, and I don't give a sh*t about what you think." But then he got mad at me for assuming that meant he doesn't want to work on things....like what the hell else could that mean? I think I should just call the attorney's number that I have tomorrow regardless of whatever he claims to have decided. This is getting stupid, and I'm only hurting myself by sticking around to listen to his excuses for everything.


Someone please give me strength to actually call the attorney tomorrow, instead of staring at the number on the screen all day like I did today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 10:58am

"well it is what it is, and I don't give a sh*t about what you think." But then he got mad at me for assuming that meant he doesn't want to work on things...."


This is the very same mind game my ex played on me, it was to keep me in limbo, wondering and basically hijacking all my thoughts so I couldn't think straight.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 11:37am

How long did it take you to feel happy, or at least better, after your divorce?


When I look at what I've written, and the things he's said to me over the past couple of years, it's obvious that he doesn't care about me or our marriage. I'd like to think he cares about our children, but he doesn't seem to care at all about this new baby. I remember when we were pregnant with our almost 2 year old, we used to sit there for hours just feeling her kick and watching my belly. This time around, I can't even get him to put his hand on my belly for more than 10 seconds. It's like he doesn't want to acknowledge that she's there. I think honestly he's just insecure and scared to be alone, so he wants to push me away until I leave him, so that he won't have to make any kind of decision. And I'm sure that once I do that, he'll have someone else - assuming he doesn't already, but it sure seems like he and his work partner are getting along well - too bad for her husband.


I was reading some of my posts back from when I first found out about his A's, back in 2007, and it's sickening to see how much better off I'd be if I had left him right then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 1:13pm

OMG!


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 2:00pm

So, common sense should've told those men they should've thought of that before they stood infront of an altar exchanging wedding vows, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 3:21pm

Hello,

I don’t normally post on this board I kind of lurk but when I read your story I was shocked to say the least. You sound like a very strong and reasonable woman and I just wanted to stop in and tell you that I think you’re doing amazing. Congratulations on calling the attorney and having such a strong attitude to boot. I’m glad you realize this is crap and he is a complete idiot. I can’t even comprehend his behaviour it is so out of line. I think you’re quite inspirational and am glad to see your daughter has such a strong and positve role model as a mother. You will teach her strength, and happiness and that even in the worst of times you can make it out.

Congrats and I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 4:19pm

"BTW, did we marry the same man or something?"


LOL, it's amazing how many


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

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