And MORE truth comes to light!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
And MORE truth comes to light!!!
6
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 10:03am

Greetings everybody,


I ve been bogged down with work & havent stopped by in a week, but Im back for thoughts & opinions. In one of my attempts to trust- but verify, i discovered more facts about my H. Yesterday I placed a voice recorder in our house, just to make sure that nothing inappropriate is going on while I am at work & he is at home (he works at night), well, he had 2 of his buddies over & I heard an entire convo all about them & their trysts with women. Come to find out, before my H had his affair with the OW, he had attempted to have affairs with multiple other women, but none of the other women allowed him to go "all the way". He was complaining to his buddies how he met these other women, how he lavished, wined & dined them, because he was so anxious to sleep with them, but never got anything out of it. Back then, i knew he was up to something, but there was really nothing i could prove, so those issues always died out as did his attempts to bed these women, when his attempts failed. Now i know, that my suspicions & accusations back then were

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 11:03am

So tell me queenb, I'm curious - what are you going to do with this information?


I'm sorry that you weren't surprised by his seeking out other women.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 11:33am

April,


Im looking at it as what he "was" doing, & that I was right in my accusations & suspicions. I was not crazy. Now I know for certain how far & how guiltlessly he was when in search of affair partners. Im not going to tell him that i know about his other attempts to cheat, he is not demonstrating those behaviors ight now. I feel like he learned his lesson when he got caught in the affair. He knows that if he were to do it again it would be over. Also, his attitude back then was very nasty. Now i know why. He is not acting like he did back then, so I will give him the benefit of the doubt. If he was currently cheating, Im sure he would have been talking about it with his buddies. Im not emotional about it because I knew about it,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 4:28pm

Good for you!




Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 6:38am

queenb

Wine and Dine is in itself an affair. Just because they didn't sleep with him, it is betrayal. One of the Emotional Affairs my spouse had was with a fellow student. All they did was flirt and sit next to each other in class. That's it. He never pursued her beyond flirting.

Any emotional energy spent on another woman is bad stuff. He needs to learn that. I would try and see if you can get him to own what he did with those previous women and help him understand that this behavior is not acceptable. That all of his amorous feelings have to be for you and you only, and that is forever.

Rebuilding is making things in the marriage better, not just ok, or what they were before, but BETTER. If you aren't changing behavior and attitudes. He will cheat on you again.

I'm talking from experience.

my best to you!

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 8:27am
I just want to say how sorry I am.
.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 10:26am

Thank you all for your support,


he does know that this is his last chance with me & his behavior is alot different than it was back when he was doing those things that i just confirmed. He is alot nicer now, his temper doesnt flare up like it used to & it just "feels" different. He knows that he cant get away with cheating on me again and that I pick up on suspicious behavior right away. If in him knowing all of this, he still tries to go there again, that would be very stupid, greedy, & selfish of him & i would not be able to forgive him a second time. I honestly do feel like he wont do it again, I think the actions I took when i found out about his A showed him that I would not hesitate to put him out my life. Back then, I think he felt that he would be ok with being seperated & that grass was greener on the other side, now he learned that it wasnt.


When I knew that he was talking to those OW I would ask him why he felt like he needed to speak to & give attention to other women. He would get very defensive & complain that I would not let him have "friends", I woul reply to him that friends