An anniversary and birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
An anniversary and birthday
3
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 4:58am
Sunday is my dgd's fourth bday, although she is already saying that she's almost five. LOL It is also the day that, four years ago, dh first sent OW an email pledging his undying love to her. It's bringing back the pain of the day that I found that in his computer. It was the first hard evidence that I saw. It is painful to think about DD. We talked about it in bed tonight before he went to sleep- I'm still up obviously. After we talked about some of it, he said that he still doesn't believe that I have forgiven him. He doesn't seem to understand that forgiving him is an unselfish act on my part to overcome his wrong and a selfish act to make me feel better. It's a complicated thing, forgiveness. I have forgiven him. I know the exact moment that that happened. He doesn't believe it because I'm still having sad about what he did and have "moments." I can't make him believe that I have forgiven him. It's his thing to deal with at this point, not mine anymore.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 9:45am

Like they always say, there's a difference between forgiving and forgetting...

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 10:40am
Maybe he hasn't forgiven himself...so the true concept eludes him...

Solazzo


Solazzo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 6:04pm

Steph, I am at a point close to where you are now. I'm hoping you could explain how you knew you achieved forgiveness. See, my husband is seeking mine and I think I can give it to him but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm letting go of any control by finally saying I've forgiven him. I'm fearful that by forgiving, then things will go back to "normal" and we'll be vulnerable to the problems. He has changed and we do go to counseling. I don't think it will happen ever again but I can't be sure and by forgiving him, I'm willing to take that chance. I agree with you that forgiving is not forgetting. I'll never forget and we've been having problems when I mention the past too. He takes it personally and feels hurt and back to square one. He feels like he's done something wrong to make me bring it up again. I can't help it that there are "triggers". He's got to remember that I was in the dark for 5+ years about him and I'm struggling to place his actions within our history. I do get sad and I don't want to keep it in but isn't there a point when we can't keep punishing our husbands by bringing up the past? When I do bring it up, I tell him over and over, I'm not doing it to make you sad. I'm doing it to let you know I'm having a sad moment and that I need some reassurance of your faithfulness and love.

Kathy

Kathy
Connor 9/8/99
Emma 3/17/05
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