Any of you experience this? I bet yesss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Any of you experience this? I bet yesss
6
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 12:16am

I've been with DH 39 years, some areas have been okay, his two EAs...not so okay!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2008
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 7:13am

I KNOW! Sometimes I just can't turn off those thoughts. He did the EA thing too and possibly

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 1:15pm

In the early days after dday#2, I gathered way too much info about the lovely "details" of the PA. He told me of OWs favorite position which, thank God, is not mine. But, I do try not to be boring in that department so on occasion he will ask for "that" position probably not even thinking or remembering that I know it was "her" favorite. So of course, I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:53am

Absolutely great advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 7:10pm

After Dday #1, my self-esteem was in the toilet. Here he was getting cosy, or at least thinking about getting cosy with a woman 15 years younger than me!! He also was complaining about my weight and once said something pretty cruel (don't remember what it was). He didn't see me naked for three months. I changed where he couldn't see, or in the dark. Sex was done in the dark and I was totally inhibited. He didn't even notice he was so wrapped up in himself. One day he surprised me and I jumped and covered myself. That started a conversation that needed to be had. He has been telling me how beautiful and wonderful I am ever since. Of course I didn't really believe him for a while, but he backed up his words with action and I do believe him now.

So, that is my advice. He can't do anything about it unless he knows about it. This goes back to the "Why do you still want to hurt her?" discussion in Thomas' thread. It isn't about hurting him, it is about working through these issues in an honest and open way. You can either hold this hurt close and choose to continue to punish him and yourself for it until you die, or you can "hurt him" in the short term and discuss it openly. You can let it go and trust him to do something about it. See what happens. He has a good therapist to set him straight if he needs it, now is the time.

Yes, it is hard to trust after he stomped all over your trust twice, but why stay in an M if you cannot trust him with this sort of thing? You are deeply wounded, tell him, show him and let him kiss it and do his best to make it better. It is time to let this wound heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 10:19pm
It might be a lot easier to forgive and move forward if only this abuse hadn't gone on for over 30 years.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 11:44am

I have the exact same problem! It has been 14 months since d day#1. There have been a couple more d days since also.


I can't get rid of