Art and Rebuilding
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|Fri, 08-24-2012 - 2:00pm|
In the weeks, months and even years after my spouse's A, some works of art had relevant impacts in our healing process. Apart from the self-help books we both worked through, we read read novels together on road trips, attended plays, and saw a few films that we felt either resonated with us, or triggered meaningful conversations. I don’t think they would have had nearly the impact on us had we note been in the middle of rebuilding our marriage from the brink.
I thought I would share a few and in the process ask you if any works of art had impact on your rebuilding.
For us, there were:
The Shack by William P. Young
No way this book would have meant anything to me had we not been in the middle of the conversation of forgives. This book might not work for others but both my spouse were raised in a religious tradition that allowed these characters to resonate with us without taking offense. Didactic at times, but this came at a good moment for us.
We just stumbled into this play (also made into a movie). When the final lights went up, half the audience was in a state of shock or in tears, the other half walked out not having any clue what the play was about. Whoever wrote this play had to have been in a place like all of us are. Looking at your spouse after all the crap and saying, "I just lost somthing, and I can't ever get it back. How do we move forward from here?" Stunning!
David Barnes, “Home”
Matt Nathanson, “Come and Get Higher”
These were healing songs that were new after my spouses A and only had relevance to us in our rebuilding. Music is really tricky and worth having a dialogue about.
This film was a disaster to watch, and it would not be for the faint-of-heart, or for someon fresh from D-Day. I cried during the film (and I like to think of myself as a burly man's man.) and the film had really strong triggers.
BUT, the three hour conversation we had in the lobby of the theater after the film (because we couldn't make it to the car), was a major dialogue in our healing process. I really tried to shut my mouth, listen, and accept what my spouse was telling me after the film. I felt I grew up a lot that day. This was a really hard film to possibly consider for those who are in an aggressive rebuilding period.
A redemption film about a young girl who made a tragic mistake. In her attempt to repair that mistake, she only compounded the problem. It had an amazing ending and a few jaw dropping moments. Not about affairs. Worth a look, maybe two.
In our immaturity, what if we could write into life what we think is the perfect spouse? What would that look like? This quirky, funny, and eventually dark film about relationships was smart, enjoyable, troubling and thought provoking.
I would love to hear your thoughts.