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|Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:32pm|
I haven't been here in awhile but am still rebuilding w/ H
(7 months from d-day). Tonite is our date nite. We get
a sitter and go out to spend time together. Well, earlier
in the day a buddy of his was helping him bring in drywall
for our basement with the promise H gave him that they would
go out and get a couple beers afterwards. H had planned that
they would finish around 2 pm and still get back in time
for our date nite. Things took longer than expected. So
we had the alternate plan that he go out with his buddy
for a little while and I'd have fun and go shopping since
we did have a babysitter and then we'd meet up at around
8:30 to have dinner together and spend the rest of the
evening together. Here the worm turns. He calls me at 8:30
that he forgot the time and just ordered another beer.
I tried to let it roll off of me but was upset that he
didn't keep me the priority. I understood about keeping
his promise to his friend and especially since that friend
spent time and energy to help us out. No qualms there at all.
But that my H couldn't keep up with the time knowing this
is really OUR night together makes me angry. Also he showed
up at our house buzzed and talking funny. Great!@!!
And when I told him how that made me feel, he couldn't
simply validate how I felt and just apologize. Oh no-
let's try to defend his skin instead and twist my point
about not being the priority into stupid side arguments
such as "I didn't tell you I would call you 8:30" (he did say that
and did call, and I was waiting for him to finish up so we
could go out together). Needless to say, we did not go out
to eat but just circled the car and argued (I drove). And now he's
sleeping in the car out in the garage. Fun time this nite
has been. And it just snowballs in my mind - in rebuilding
you were going to make me feel like I and our marriage are
the priority. Something he did not show the last couple years
as I was pregnant with both our children and when he decided
to either hang with his friends or be unfaithful.
I just had to vent. There's no answer out there I think.
All this just sucks. I hate how this evening went. I hate
how my life is forever changed. I hate the word "rebuilding".
I hate that it's part of my vocabulary now. I hate wondering
if not everyday how he could have been unfaithful and betray me
and his kids. It's just all so poisonous and it seeps into everything
still. Sorry - hopefully things will be better tomorrow (or maybe
just one day in the future).