Banging my head against the wall
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|Sat, 10-22-2011 - 10:31pm|
First I want to qualify this. There are a lot of good things about my H and our family and relationship. I don't want to villianize him, but the good things aren't what's bothering me, so with the limited time I have on the computer, I'm going to vent about the things that ARE bothering me.
I recently posted about what to do when I found my H had been flirting around with someone.
Well, in the end, it was all a bust. When I pressed the issue of him breaking all communication, he minimized it all ("I don't think she really likes me"; "I don't think she would really do anything since she's married" - I called bs on that one, since he had already told me she had been looking for some action, etc.) Then he practically ridiculed me for "obsessing about it all day". When I asked him if he would at least unfriend her on Facebook, he didn't want to because eventually she would find out and ask questions. This really upset me - I was hoping he cared enough about my strong feelings about this that at least he would make this concession. This has happened before with him not wanted to unfriend someone or take them out of his phone. It really makes me feel unimportant. Anyway, in the end he angrily said, "fine!" and unfriended her.
I know there is a decent chance I blew what had happened out of proportion, but after all I've been through I don't think anyone would blame me. I was hoping for a little compassion, concession, or at least an apology, but instead I got nothing but anger.
After all this I began to think: why bother to even bring any of this up ever? I thought that it was important to communicate my fears and worries, but I don't think my H really cares to hear about them, at least at this point.
So basically all I'm doing is giving him a heads-up that I know about a boundary that he overstepped, and I now realize that I don't want to be in the position of doing that. I have been policing his boundaries, when I need to let him do that himself. If he oversteps them too far (the thing I'm afraid of that I mistakenly think I can stop) then I have a decision to make at that time.
It's just maddening, because I thought we had made some headway on being honest with each other, and now I realize that there will never be complete honesty, just varying degrees of it.