The big reunion is almost here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
The big reunion is almost here...
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 1:44am

I posted about this a while back, so some of you have read part of this, but I wanted to give you an update and ask for some help.

Next weekend my H and I will be attending a reunion (not school, but a group we were both in). At this reunion we will see two OW who my H "made out" with (oral sex, etc., but didn't "go all the way"). That happened between 15 and 20 years ago. They were both "friends" of ours, and, yes, we were married back then.

I have emailed both of these women to inform them that I know what happened and to explain that even though it was many years ago to them, I found out only "recently" (almost 2 years ago now). They both wrote back with profuse apologies and much regret. They also agreed to follow my lead as far as what kind of contact we have during the weekend.

I am glad I contacted them ahead of time; I feel much better about the whole situation. What I'm trying to figure out now is a mindset to get into for this.

Friday night is a cocktail party. They will both be there, but my H can't make it so I'm going with other friends. I'm hoping that will help - seeing them first without my H there. My biggest fear in all this is that having them in the same room with him will suddenly make this all very real to me (there were many other women besides these two, so there's a lot of "real" to deal with) and I'll just totally lose it. Saturday and Sunday are both events that we'll all be at.

Ideally I'd like to treat it all as water under the bridge and just enjoy my time with others at the party while being civil to them. I don't think I can completely ignore them, and I don't think I can stand around and chat with them.

So, any ideas for a mindset? Psyche myself out that I've moved on (even though I'm pretty sure that I won't feel that emotionally)? Pretend that they don't exist? (Denial can be a good tool at times.) Picture myself wringing their necks? (JK)

Seriously, I know I need to have a plan for how to think about this all and how to deal with the emotions which I know are going to come up, but my mind is all over the place with this right now. Any thoughts or experiences you might share will be greatly appreciated.

(PS I've been going to the gym 3x a week, I'm dying my hair tomorrow, and I bought a new outfit today, so at least I'll show up looking good and feeling good about it!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 12:24am
Can't wait to hear how it went. All I can say is dress well and be happy, laugh, you know, the best revenge is to be happy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 09-08-2009 - 1:49am

sounds as though you are doing many things for you - that is good.

redbaloons, what is hard for us to remember about the ow is this: while she/they should have made a better choice; your husband was and is the pilot of his own ship. i am sure that they are more nervous about seeing you than you are about seeing them. they knew he was married and i am pretty sure that that nags them. i am beginning to realize based on some events that have happened to me recently regarding the other woman that i need to make her a non issue. as do you. dr. phil has a saying 'when we know better we do better'. so i would recommend that you remember that and believe that. now they know better and will do better.

my life has nothing to do with my husbands ow, not a thing. i refuse to waste my energies on her any longer, it is just too draining. it can if you let it drive you crazy. no, i mean it crazy.

this reunion has been on the drawing board for a long time. go and enjoy yourself whole heartedly, i mean really enjoy yourself. even if you have to embellish how happy you are. you will go there looking like a knock out, projecting a secure woman who knows who she is and what she wants out of life. a woman who has been dealt a temporary bad hand, but threw in those bad cards and asked for all new ones - what she drew were 5 aces - independence, self love, strength, commanding presence, and a zeal for life that will not quit.

this is your mission for that evening - be happy, enjoy your friends, enjoy your husband. laugh,dance, share, sing, smile. BE HAPPY.