Can't Believe I'm Asking This...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Can't Believe I'm Asking This...
6
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 1:32pm

Okay, I can't believe I'm asking this, but, here goes...


My husband told me last week that he's "done." He can't take me always bringing things up over and over again about his OW, blah, blah, blah.


I went the next day and got my own checking account, moved some money into it, and planned to take my daughter and dog to stay at my mom's.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 3:41pm

Jellybean

Two things

Yes and yes.

The distance is suppose to snap them out of the fantasy fog. They finally get to see what they are about to do to their life and the fantasy ends (the fantasy is that he can have both worlds) and he is left with an honest choice. My guess is that he married you for a reason. He might be crap at saying it but he probably has deep feelings for you. When you begin to distance yourself, those feelings will resurface and he gets to decided what he's going to do about them.

Becoming hyper-sexual after D day is very common. I don't know why, but I just went after her in that context like crazy after she asked me to leave, up to and after D Day. It got to the point that I could only stop crying until after we had sex. I can't make any sense of it now but it seemed to make sense then. Anyway, it's very normal.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 4:56pm
Hysterical bonding. That's what it is called. I never had it but
.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 6:18pm
Yes, yes, and I think your modified 180 is an excellent plan.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 6:48pm
Absolutely.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Tue, 05-05-2009 - 10:40pm

"My husband told me last week that he's "done." He can't take me always bringing things up over and over again about his OW, blah, blah, blah."


Isn't that crazy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2009
Wed, 05-06-2009 - 12:55pm

Jelly bean,


my H has ran the "im done" on me also, he has blamed my constant need to talk of the affair & has said that he just cant stand to talk about it, that we need to move one. Out Hs dont understand why we still talk of it, how we need to in order to heal.


As to your questions, I do believe that the distancing has helped you, it makes him wonder why you are acting that way. Also, being overly affectionate after something like this makes us look clingy, needy, desperate.


As for the sex question, it is normal, but for me at times, i feel repulsion at the thought of sex. at times i dont. i guess it depends on the thoughts in my head.