Cant get thoughts out of head? Read this

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Cant get thoughts out of head? Read this
13
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 11:08am
To anyone who has been through a situation where the thoughts will not leave your mind and you feel like you are about to go crazy! How do you stop thinking about your H and the OW or the details of it all? Not only this situation, but if you k ow anyone who is trying to rebuild their life after traumatic event please read this book. "Freedom to Forget". It is amazing and really puts things in perspective. I read it from time to time just to remind myself and keep my spirits up. I just wanted to share this because it really helped me.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 3:20pm
Very sad - I just got another 6 books - this wasn't one of them, I will put it on my list - I do find the books helpful
I've tried thinking of other things, rubber bands around the wrist, keeping busy and wine - nothing is helping or just is a temporary help - I'm still working on things.... I'm told only time helps. I hate to wish my life away, but I'm wishing enough time passes to ease my mind and spirit.... for all of us !
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 4:58pm
You are absolutely right! Time is what it takes and I am living proof of it. I was on here 2 1/2 yes ago asking everyone if it gets better and I promise you it does. I am now going through court because of the OC and it is still way better and I am able to handle it now, which I never thought I would be able to. I was told that by my therapist that anytime things pop in my mind I should talk to myself out loud and remind myself of how it does me no good to think about this stuff. Give yourself some credit though. I don't know how long it has been, but you can't expect yourself to heal that fast. Part of my problem was those details that I still questioned. Things I did not know the answer to, but constantly thought about them trying to figure out what really happened and if he lied about this or that too. I finally had to just ask him all of the questions I needed to an it didn't matter if what he told me hurt worse because I knew the answer then, knew I could not change it, had already decided to try to forgive and make it work, but ya know what....I did not think about it anymore. Just remember the only person you are now hurting is you. As long as you allow this to consume your thoughts you are letting it control you meaning that the OW still has control over you. Don't let her have that!!! You have had enough taken from you don't let them have anymore of your life!! Yes it is easier for me to say now, but if I had known then what I know now I could have saved myself some heartache. The book is great!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 12:35am
very sad
What is OC ??? and why are you in court? I found out about A on 5/1 changed the locks the very same day - he went away for a w/e w/ HOR something he was always too busy for w/ me - and when he came home, I told him thru the locked door that he didn't live here anymore - I didn't speak to him again until 4 months later - about 2 weeks after that he came back home. But in the last two weeks, I found out about 2 other rented for the 'afternoon' hors and STDs as well. So I am reeling once again. Then the HOR from the LTA had been harassing me both while H was gone, and afterwards when he came home. Even mailing things to the home until I told HOR I would both press charges and send the letters to her kids or bosses to hand to hor if she didn't knock it off - she found other ways tho. It's slowing down now - 6 months later - and she is once again trolling the Internet looking for her next one - thing is, she also had (unbeknownst to me at the time) a man I had worked with for over a decade - met him in parking lots to do the deed or deeds as well. Gross! He was not married at the time though.... So there is alot to deal with. On occasion I will still see Hor or Hor and one of her sons driving past the house or sitting outside twice, presumably waiting for FWH to leave for work, but he doesn't leave here the same time he left to go when he was there, so she never gets him, just me... and then she drives away. But still feeling 'watched' sometimes and knowing - ugh - She's also sent cards to his family members - My inlaws, step daughter, BIL and SIL - etc... Called them too - pleading her case or just trying to be on the 'in' to find out how we're doing or what he's doing - they don't go out with her when she invites them thank goodness , but still it's a pain in the butt to say the least and feeds those triggers and flashbacks....
I will try to say to my self OUT LOUD what your therapist said for you to say, see if it helps. I keep trying anything. and especially the part about HOR not getting any more of MY life MY time or MY family, she's had enough - time for hor to find hor own, not MINE or someone elses husbands...........
Thank you for the helpful hints! I need to ty anything I can!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 5:42am
My husband fathered a child with OW. OC- other child. She is taking us to court for child support. I have a lovely post about it. Since we are debating on custody issues. I won't even get into that, but needless to say after 3 years I though we were doing great until this B**ch decides to spring this on us just to once again attempt to tear us apart. She has another thing coming and is the one who better be prepared for what we are about to fire back at her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Mon, 03-15-2010 - 6:14pm
Sorry - got it. So sorry you're going through this. Bad enough to be going through any of it, but to have an OC to deal with as well is just beyond my realm of thinking right now. OW in my case wished she could have had on with FWH, but in fact he can no longer father a child. Thank goodness for that. I think that would have sent me over the edge..... Good luck in court!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 1:10pm
Hello.
sad09
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Tue, 03-16-2010 - 5:01pm
For me it was exactly that! Unfortunately, I realize that had the A not happened we probably would be divorced. Right now or in a really bad marriage. It made both of us realize th mistakes we were making to get to that point. I will never say it is easy. Heck I moved 3 hrs away just to get away from the OW because we knew it was the only way we could rebuild our marriage. Now we have been informed that my H fathered a C with OW and she is suing us for child support. Even so i am doing ok. Of course I had to get here. And just so you know staying does nit make u weak it makes u strong!!! I am a stronger person now than I ever thought possible! Anyone can give up and walk away, but a strong woman fights for what is hers and tries to make it work!! The thoughts pop up here and there for me, but one thing that I have found that was so hard to do was....when I get those thoughts that hurt, make me mad, and make me not even want to touch my husband.... That is when I go to him instead of leaving the room. So instead of continuing those thought that ate doing me no good, he wraps me up in his arms and tells me he loves me and it reminds me why I here and how he has changed and gets the thoughts out of my head by converting them to positive thoughts.
I has to face it that I would never know all the details and probably don't want to. I agreed to stay, therefore it is not fair for me to continue to punish him. We have been through all there is and I know he deeply regrets it and is sorry. Do I slip a few comments in here an there? Yes. And he usually just let's it go and gives me those little punches here and there knowing he deserves it. I think the way your spouse handles the situation makes all te difference in how you handle it. Trust me I was as low as I could get 3 years ago and now I can't believe where I am. It takes a lot to get through it but if you BOTH are determined to work together it is possible. My marriage is better now than it ever was before. I hate admitting that but it is true!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 3:00pm

Thank you for replying so quickly.

sad09
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 4:07pm
O it sounds very familiar. Trust me I was there! Yes it is VERY hard to keep those comments to yourself and I still slip, but mine is because I am recently going through all of the stuff since we just found out the she had
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Fri, 03-19-2010 - 5:17pm
O and just so u know I changed my profile name from verysadmommy to tkea1360. Didn't want u to get confused with my reply having different name on it. It's still me!!

Pages