conflicted and confused
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|Tue, 05-02-2006 - 8:12pm|
I have been dealing with learning last month of my husband's chronic infidelity over the past two years. When I finally was done and headed to the courthouse, he requested one more time (again). I am a Christian, but have very little faith left in him or this relationship, yet I have agreed to try again....I don't even know why. There are constant reminders of all the women that he's been with all around me (work, community, etc). I'm having a very hard time dealing with this and alter between rage and great sadness, in between moments of attempting to forget what happened in order to move forward. I'm still shell shocked over what I believed to have been the "one" to learn he was a complete fraud. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop again. He's appeared to make some major changes this time, but I don't feel it and don't believe him still. It's very hard to have sex with him without the constant flashback of the things that I know he did with others. I'm in constant turmoil and don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know about whether going to a counselor will help...he says he "knows what he needs to do", as if he's finally been convicted by God. LBut what about me? I'm left with not knowing what to believe or do. Counselors always seem to come from their own personal perspective, which has to be taken with a grain of salt. Is there anyone out there who knows what I'm talking about or what I'm going through?
I appreciate your thoughts and caring.