Dealing with a family member's betrayal

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
Dealing with a family member's betrayal
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 12:22pm

My H & I are in rebuilding and had a really good week last week. All was fine until his sister's H walked out on her Saturday with no explanation. Could be an A, we dont' know for sure at this point.

My question is, how do I help somebody so close to me through this without losing my mind! Both my H & I have really been bummed about this news because it brings the anger back to me about how my BIL treated my SIL, and my H has to hear his sister describe just how badly her heart is broken. It's like reliving the stuff we've already healed from. I'm just getting back to some kind of normalcy, and I feel like I'm spiraling back into depression. I want to help her, it's just I feel like I'm going back through all the emotions (shock/hurt, etc.) with her that I've gotten some control over. I know I can't punish my H because of my BILs mistakes, but it's just hard to not be angry and take it out on all men at this point!

Thanks for any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 3:02pm

What the heck is in the water at your house? That hits too close to home.

You can help her by pointing her to the right areas for knowledge and stop there. Tell her about books, counseling, web sites, this board, etc. If you give her the resources to get more help, you don't have to be the one holding her hand through it all. I can understand the pain it brings back in you bc its still new for you too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Tue, 01-17-2006 - 8:00pm
I agree with most of what Hannah said. I think it's important that you're not the only one who has to bear the burden of helping her through this. Hopefully her friends and the rest of the family is also there to support her. Maybe at some point you could also help her, because if it is an affair no one knows better then you what that feels like. I'm not saying take it all on your shoulders, but occasionally a sounding board, something flesh and blood that feels other then just books.