Do relationships that start as affairs L

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2010
Do relationships that start as affairs L
35
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 9:49pm
Just a question for all of you. I have been doing much research on relationships that start as affairs and it seems most do not last long. They are built on so much hurt and secrecy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 01-29-2010 - 11:07pm

I've seen dismal

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 01-30-2010 - 12:29am
What I have heard is that affairs are based on lies and deceit, and relationships that start out based on lies and deceit very rarely last long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 5:49pm
Dr. Phil McGraw has said less than 1% will turn into anything that lasts.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 12:35am

My H said recently that if I left him he would not go back to xow even though she would welcome him with open arms (and legs!). Even though she supposedly "loved" and adored him in a big way, he says there was just too much damage cause by their A to ever have a real thing happen between them.


I feel that most A's are not about real love, but the way the AP feels due to all the ego building attention and the fact that the real stuff of life does not get in the way. Once an A turns into real life between two people, the dynamics must change and then it suddenly is not all fun and games anymore.


I knew a couple where they got divorced due to his A. He began a RL with the OW. Within a year or so, its not fun for him anymore, he goes back and courts the xwife and they begin anew and remarry. Three years later, he again finds his thrills with an A and again leaves the wife. He marrys the OW who already has two kids. She then proceeds to have two babies by him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 12:41am
I've heard the same thing. And yes, something based on lies and deceit - how could that go to something good. As my FWS said - she was the bad girl, I was the good girl.. he didn't have to worry about offending her, or doing anything to her that she wouldn't accept - she even paid the hotel room bills - you know the ones rented by the afternoon........ ugh.... she got the money by doing sex favors for her since remarried exh - so go figure - how could that last?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 6:42am
...my father left my mother for another woman and they were happy...for years...until he died...my friend left her husband for a man she met online and they've been married happily since 99...another woman that I know left her long term partner for another man and they're happily married...on the other hand...my uncle left my aunt and he has decided that he had "it" (whatever "it" is)...with my aunt, but she has moved on...I think it's probably easier for a betrayed spouse to believe that their betraying spouse will be forever unhappy...but, I don't think that's always the case...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 7:51am

Yes, there are definately exceptions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 7:59am

Well, I found out my

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 10:23am
I have read the same statistics over and over again. My H at the beginning of MC stated he did not want to be one of those men who had been married X amount of times-- his OW would have been Mrs. #3---- I think ( and he has said) that if he had left and married OW he would have stayed with her no matter what to prove to everyone else it was real... how miserable is that. I think the 3-4 % do just that. How embarrassing to have to admit that the AP turned out to be " not all that" or not "my soul mate" AFTER marrying them. I think the ones who make it have some component of mistrust due to the way the R was conceived. Just my thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 10:40am
You're right - how could they ever trust each other - seriously !! If he was willing to do it

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