Do you, can you wear your wedding rings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2010
Do you, can you wear your wedding rings?
10
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 10:27am
It's been 6 1/2 months and the wedding pic that hung in our bedroom is still in the hall closet. I can't even put my wedding rings on or any of the jewelry H gave me through the years. These things don't mean anything. The rings are just a symbol of a promise that was broken. I know they were always just things but I used to really enjoy my jewelry. I probably sound stupid and shallow but each piece had a special meaning. It was an expression of me. Something I really liked. Where I'd go?
H has learned a great deal in counseling and is doing his best to put me first. I just came out of a numbing depression that I hope never returns and am feeling more positive. So why is it so hard to put a couple of metal things on my finger? After all I have chosen to stay in this marriage.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 4:08pm

I haven't had my wedding rings on since I found out they were exchanging pictures and cybering. That was the end of April. Like you I do not feel they represent our marriage but a betrayal of our marriage.


I will not put them back on until we are back where we need to be in our marriage. Not sure I will put the same ones back on them. Maybe that would be a good time to renew our vows and get new rings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 2:34pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Thu, 07-08-2010 - 10:10pm

my dday was in 06 - we have been married for almost 34 years. i have NOT worn my rings on that finger since finding out, truth be told i may never again. i do wear them, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. i have often wondered why, i am thinking that this act is my way of showing me, that I DESERVE BETTER TREATMENT THAN WHAT I RECEIVED. some may not understand, but we all have our own way of handling this thing called betrayal. i use to be proud to be his wife, wanted to share that pride with the entire world, now, knowing that so many others knew when i did not - well maybe it is me sending a clear message 'yep, i know, and well, i am not so proud any longer.

my humble opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 4:20pm
Lots of days I've just been too angry to put it on.

 

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 4:27pm

I had been thinking about this for a couple of days and had wrote about it on my blog. I'll share with you now.


Something that just goes with being married? Do you take them off when you are cheating? They know you are married, does it really make a difference.


How important are they? The rings and more importantly…….the vows.


I have thought about it today.


My side of the story.


We were kids when we exchanged them. Still teens. Forty Seven years ago, next month.


Her ring was all that I could afford as a Private in the US Army. It was nice at the time. White 18k with a small diamond. My ring was a thin, white gold band, very similar to hers.


I kept my ring, and my vows for a long time. A real long time.


I still have the ring. I have had it enlarged many times.


Seven years into our marriage, I caught her in an affair. We immediately started putting our marriage back together, and she did all things that you could possibly want a spouse to do to make it right. We couldn’t afford counseling, so we did it ourselves.


Eventually the trust came back from her affair and I felt that it was something we had worked through.


After eighteen years of marriage, we had our only child. I thought our marriage was really strong. We got involved with our church that we had strayed from. I knew she had personality problems, but we weren’t having any problems.


On our 22nd anniversary, I got her a new replacement set of rings as a surprise. Life had improved for us. We weren’t on easy street, but we were doing OK.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 5:51pm
I don't know, I have to think if somebody is going to cheat, the rings obviously don't have much significance at that point.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 12:24am

sounds familiar to me. I wish I could remember exactly but let me think.........
I know I stopped wearing my ring, first of all I punched a wall on my first dday and lost my diamond. Silly I know but I wanted to punch him but thankfully I didn't. I believe I bought a big old cheap ring and wore that for fun on my wedding finger for about 4/5 months.

A few months later I finally replaced the diamond and replaced it w/ a very much larger diamond. Seriously by then it all lost it's real meaning and feeling. I thought I would never wear my wedding ring again. I replaced the diamond because it was insured. For at least a year for sure I just wore the engagement diamond ring and i bought a band to go with my solitaire diamond. Since I was enjoying my new diamond;) he hee

I did NOT wear my original wedding ring for along time. I want to say even up to 18mo of us rebuilding. I wouldn't wear it UNTIL I felt we had a new beginning and a good foundation. Not just a honey moon stage. Honestly the ring "wedding" ring has lost it's romantic purpose. It doesn't hold that deep meaning anymore. I enjoy my engagement ring because I am able to hold those moments and feelings dear to my heart.

I would and will eventually reset my diamonds. I probably would never have considered this before due to the sentimental value it held to me.

I currently wear the whole set have for along while now. Although it's not the same romantic momentum, it does remind me of how hard we have worked and come together. For that reason I will wear a wedding ring because I want to be married to my wonderful husband. I have love for my wedding ring but it's a new meaning to it more like an earned battle scar. Kind of proud that we are still wearing it.

hugs, tea
rebuilt;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 11:40am


At 6-1/2 months out I could still hardly breathe much less think about my wedding ring.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 12:39pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 1:00pm
I can't wear my rings either. Took them off after D-day & a lot of tears. I (he) just put them on 3 months ago. Found out that he's been texting, chatting, personally phoning and receiving "personal" photos of others (several) right up until the night of the wedding & as early as the day he had to return to work from our honeymoon. I'm not sure I can ever put those particular rings back on. Right now they just remind me of what a fool I've been and represent a sign of betrayal to me. Sad thing is, they are the rings my father gave to my mother over 50 years ago. My Dad passed away before the wedding but my mom said he adored my H so much & that he was the man my father always wanted for me, she only felt it was right for us to use their rings. She said they brought them luck & love for 52 years. (My father passed away on their 52nd ann. at the exact time of their wedding) Now I look at them and not only feel betrayed and a fool, but like I've tarnished the meaning of those rings & my parents whole life together. See... it could be worse.
CraftyMom9325
CraftyMom9325

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