Does it get better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2012
Does it get better?
5
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 12:20pm
I really would like some advice from people who have made it past their DDay and are still happily married. I know everyone is different but I just want to know how you handled it, the memories, the lies, etc. Its been five months since he has talked to her and is working to make our marriage better, but I cant stop thinking about it. It consumes almost every waking minute of my life and there has not been a day that has gone by that I havent cried. There are reminders of the A sprinkled everywhere. I want to move on with my husband and be happy but I cant. I keep telling myself it will happen in time, but how long is that? I am so afraid I will ruin things by my continous attcks on my H. I believe that it was my decision to stay in the marriage therefore I should give 100% of myself as well, but I hold too much resentment. Advice PLEASE!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2012
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 3:45am

Yes it does get better.  I'm 4.5 years after d-day, and I have rebuilt my marriage, and I even got pregnant last year.  Rebuilding is SO tough, the first 2 years were major hell for me, but I worked thru them, with the help of this board, a counsellor, and also my religion. It takes time, and your spouse's help, and lots of stuff to heal.  Give yourself time and patience, that's very important. 

Take care, and post up again if you need help ok?  *hugs*

D-day : Aug 06, 2008.
Rebuilt. 
Got pregnant, have a babygirl 3.5 years after d-day.  So now we are a family of 4 :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 2:24am

Today is 13 months out from DDay for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 5:30pm
Thank you for your response. Yes, we have a nine month old bany girl. He was involved in the A before during and after my pregnancy. This is one of the reasons I stay so upset is because I never thought he be the type of person to do this to me. It was not a planned pregnancy. I am a what if person and I cant quit thinking about how we got pregnant on accident and what if ahe would have too? My husband is one of the most rational people I know and this was the stupidest thing he has ever done, but luckily that didnt happen. He has also been very open with everything. He now leaves his phone out al the time. I know his passcode to it as well as his pasword to everything else. He has also been involving himself with my family which I know is hard for him because they were some of the problems in our marriage before the A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 5:03pm
Five months is too soon after dday to be over it. Most counselors will tell you it takes anywhere up to 2 years to really get over it. And in all honesty sometimes people (especially men if their wives have an affair) never really get over the betrayal because they just never get the trust back or are too resentful over it. So if you decide to stay with your H you will have to give it more time. You may have to decide your own time line. Like if you still feel this bad in a year or 18 months go from there. This isn't by any means an easy thing to get over. Are there children involved here? Is he transparent with his phone and computer ? He needs to be now. You should be able to look thru his phone, email, computer history etc. That will go a long way in rebuilding the trust. GOOD LUCK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 4:19pm
Not really sure what to tel you. I am 15 months out. Some days are easier than others. What I can tell u is that you almost have to force yourself to find positive things to think about. I.was doing ok til I found out about him flirting with another.friend and his porn festival in January. Now we are just starting to get better. At least I dont cry.