downward spiral

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
downward spiral
7
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 7:55pm

I don't know where to put this... so I guess I'll try here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 8:19pm
Oh Katrina, God doesn't hate you. He is just giving you opportunities to show how strong he made you! As for your H, it is basically his job to accept that he screwed up and part of rebuilding is rebuilding trust. Someone on here explained that they told there spouse they wanted to know everything because it was like a puzzle where the betrayer and AP have all the pieces, but when it is your turn to put the puzzle together they take out a bunch of pieces and the box too so you can't see what the puzzle is supposed to look like. I explained it that way to my H and he got it. So when I ask, he answers.

don't feel like a schmuck, you did nothing but trust your H. Unfortunately, he chose to behave like a schmuck and had the A. Therefore, he has to expect that you are going to need constant reassurance.

Finally, I will share something my therapist told me. When I start to go down the road of negative, stop myself and think of something positive. And by doing that over and over and over again, I will eventually devolop a habit of thinking about good things instead of reliving the past.

Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 8:40pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 10:39pm

Hi Katka

I have been on both sides of this aisle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2011
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 12:27am
I've been there before....twice and had the same thought processes as you. Do not make the same mistakes I made. Betrayal leaves you with many emotional hurdles to overcome. Do not deny your feelings for the sake of your betrayer. You have every right to feel whatever you feel. If he does not humbly accept and try to help you through your feelings, he is a self-centered person who will never put your feelings first. These kind of people are not safe for anyone but especially for an injured being. You need to take care of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 9:09am

Thank you renewal...

"Guess what? if he hadnt cheated, you wouldnt be asking.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 9:12am

Anahana -

"If he does not humbly accept and try to help you through your feelings, he is a self-centered person who will never put your feelings first. These kind of people are not safe for anyone but especially for an injured being."

First, I'm sorry it happened twice to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 9:01am

that is scary Kat, you have every right to ask, in fact he should have given the password to you when he changed it

I would be on guard, distance yourself, his response is not a good sign

it can take a long time for the WS to change much longer than they would like you to think