Feeling kind of sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Feeling kind of sick
18
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 5:57pm

I sat down last night waiting for my H to come home. I was enjoying the company of my kids, and the second his car pulled into the drive way I felt kind of sick. I got annoyed with the sound of his voice the look on his face. The simple fact that he never cares about "real" life. Only about his hobby and his toys..


I wonder does anyone else feel this way? If so what do you do to get past it? If you could not get past it did you decide to D?


I am struggling right now.. I made a promise I want to keep but not sure I can..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 1:00am

Absolutely.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 8:29am

How long have you felt this way? Is this something that has come up since the infidelity or has it always been like this?


It probably is a good idea to learn how to relate better with your husband now BECAUSE no matter what your children are like now, even if they are teenagers, as adults at least one of them will be very much like their father.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 9:32am

I totally relate to what you are saying. I guess my question to you is what do you do with those feelings? When I feel this way, I want to run far and fast. Is it just the hurt and anger talking or do you really want to not deal with your H?

I know for me it is the hurt and anger talking. After H's latest issues (another mini dday), I find the hurt and anger has come back tenfold. I am just sick and tired of feeling this way. The walls are up and I don't know if they will come down.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 9:56am

How long have you felt this way? Is this something that has come up since the infidelity or has it always been like this?


In my case it's been since the A.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 10:05am
on the subject of coming home....our C said one thing to us that really stuck with my H. he said, you go to work ..that is your job....how you make money to feed you family----then you come home, on your way home you need to transition...cause your family is your real life. so you are coming home to your #1 'job"--being a husband, father and the head of your household. It caused a shift in my H thinking...for the better! I think so many people think their job is their life and put the most emphasis on that area and think the rest will just fall into place...it should actually be the other way around..take care of the most important things first (emotionally and spiritually) and the economic stuff should fall into place------I think this is a cultural thing that got lost a long the way. Now I think most people think if they make a certain amount of money or provide a certain way of living then the family will be happy. I know I know it is expensive to
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 11:01am

Yes, I absolutely felt that way, and I didn't get over it and divorced him. In my case, I was so determined to keep my marriage together after Dday, that I didn't stop to consider if I REALLY wanted to. I was in emergency mode, trying to keep our family's world together, oblivious to the inevitable consequences. After the dust settled, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. It was the same crap, different day. I couldn't even stand to look at him anymore and was happier when he was at work or somewhere else.


For me, this thread ties in with the one going now about "If it matters how the affair ends". Both issues were direct results of me not playing hardball from the beginning and being too

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 9:43am

Steph, For me I think it has come down to me feeling as if my H is one of my children rather then my partner or equal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Sun, 06-14-2009 - 9:49am
Thank you everyone for responding. I guess for me it is all coming down to two people heading in two very different directions. I believe he loves me and I know I love him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 8:19am

Gal, you must not have very much

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 10:16am

My first d-day was in 2004 with the first XOW. My second d-day was just over 7 months ago. I have been to IC, MC, our pastor, these boards. I have read every single book I could get my hands on. I have talked with my H hours on end about my needs his needs. I have done cartwheels and back flips to be who he needs me to be. I have given everything I can to this M to my H and the struggle I am having inside because he has been my world for 19 years is eats me alive. So I did not just give up on my M or jump on the divorce bandwagon as you so supportively called it.

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