Find myslef in a weird place
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|Tue, 01-10-2006 - 4:34pm|
I feel like I am loosing my ever loving mind! Things have been going well between dh and I lately. I have been working VERY, VERY hard not to dwell on the A and push any thoughts of it from my mind (which I must say is EXHAUSTING at times!) and DH and I have been really enjoying eachothers company and it has been really nice. I still have a big problem with mental images suddenly popping in my mind when I least expect it. I don't know why this happens to me. I could be cleaning the house or making dinner and suddenly the image of them screwing eachother will flash in my head! I HATE it. I try to push it out as fast as possible but it leaves me feeling crappy, physically ill and wanting to burst into tears. Why can't I stop these images? It is frustrating and defeating feeling to me and makes me want to give up and run away sometimes. I am trying to not obsess and dwell and work on ME and this crap just keeps coming back. Does it ever end?
My weird thing right now is that I find myslef thinking a lot about wanting the attention of other men. I think of how wonderful it would be to have someone else find me intersting and attractive and to feel desired and wanted by someone who hasn't betrayed me or caused me so much pain. I don't get this!I don't want to have an affair and hurt my family and I can not beleive that these thoughts go through my head!!! What is wrong with me? I seriously feel like I am going crazy at times.