Finding Peace/ Feeling Safe

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Finding Peace/ Feeling Safe
10
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 2:11pm

Just an update. Husband and I are doing well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-1999
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 3:31pm
I am very happy for you. I found out Jan 5th about OW#2. DH has learned alot about himself and his inner workings and I too hope that he has grown up and learned how to be happy with himself. Your post has brought a smile to my face on a very downer week to just know it is possible to survive.

Thank you for sharing your story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2010
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 9:08am

Glad to hear the the peace has returned to you...makes me feel like there is hope for me. I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2008
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 4:18pm

FDW,

I am so happy to read your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 10:33pm

Hi Five D : I am so happy to have read this post. I gained so much from you over the past 3 years that I have been on the rollercoaster. Your post gives me hope that I will reach the place of peace that you have now.

I hope that you will continue to chime in from time to time with your words of wisdom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2000
Fri, 03-04-2011 - 7:50pm
Oh, pass it around, please. I've realized peace has never really been a part of my life, not even back in childhood, but that's a long story in itself. I want peace and laughter - I've never been somebody who needs thrill a minute stuff or a thousand people or constant activity. To me that is almost the opposite of peace. I need the peace and safety you mention, too, I'm glad you are feeling like it's becoming a part of your life, that's huge.

 


~~joannaran~~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sun, 03-06-2011 - 11:27pm
Still can't see the usual "reply" box, hope this gets viewed the same way. I crave what you're talking about - my life hasn't included safety OR peace as far back as I can remember, incl. during my 40-year marriage. It helps to read posts where you have found what you need right inside your marriage, though, so I hope you add more as time goes by!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 03-12-2011 - 2:33am
I come back to your post again and again....finding peace and feeling safe is pretty much my goal in life nowdays. Doesn't that sound heavenly? I have no idea at all how that would feel, but I'm determined to find out. My DH continues to behave himself and more, and although him continuing to lie all along has been his one gigantic screw-up, I still want things to work out, so we are both trying very, very hard, seeing a new therapist for hopefully fresh information. But the caption of your post grabs me every time I open this board, can't seem to stop responding to it!!! I hope you keep posting about your success to this point, we all need hope here.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Fri, 03-18-2011 - 1:39pm

I want to thank everyone for their replies and I am glad that my update post was helpful.

Elmosmom, I am so glad that things are improving for you.

Crossroads, It has taken a long time to get to this place. But don't give up hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2010
Sat, 04-02-2011 - 3:01pm

I am so glad you are able to feel this way again! It took you quite a long time and this is what makes me angy. They steal valuable time from us. Your husband seems to know how serious the situation was an still is, probably will always be and he is behaving accordingly. That's a good thing!

On the other hand it makes me sad and envious to hear such stories about husbands who care because mine doesn't. He never made special effort in saving our marriage. He also told me what he would do for me but in the end these were only empty words. I posted before that I still have to get along with the status quo (and the way our living together will be in the future) but there are so many little things that still hurt me so much. For example he wouldn't read any self-helf books (counselling was never an issue), talked himself out of it, so I finally threw them away. Now we've got a dog and he's reading whole libraries of books about dogs - so this is interesting for him, not that boring marriage stuff. Or like today: it was one of the first really warm days here and we decided to barbecue this evening. He did some grocery shopping for it and when he came back I saw he had bought some bottles of beer for him. Since a few years he always stops drinking any alcohol from 1.january to easter (because we had so many arguments about this damned drinking, and after all it was because of his drinking, too, why the affair could happen). So this year he stopped his alcohol break today and claimed it always was three months only, not until easter. Besides this he knows that I love to have a mix of alcohol-free beer and citrus lemonade at a barbecue but of course he only thought of himself. It is ridiculous of course, but it is always the same. He never ever thinks of me, not doing the least little favour, thinking of things I like. He claimed he would do whatever it takes, but it was just a lie as all the lies before.

Le me tell you one little story: my friend has opened a little Italian restaurant a few weeks ago and I'm helping her from time to time with the drinks etc. At these occasions I can order some food later in the evening. Last time I had a delicious little pizza and afterwards a tiny chocolate tartlet...really fine! Her pizza baker came out of the kitchen and called: "Cia ..., e fatto con amore!" meaning he made my pizza with love. This was so nice from him! Somebody I barely know makes something for me with love, just because he was being kind. I never experienced something like this from my husband during DDay.

Yes, I'm coming here again and again, complaining about my husband, but refusing to leave him (and I certainly won't change my mind there), and I deeply apologize for this, but sometimes I have the feeling I'm suffocating, I'd love to do him some harm, screaming at him how he can be so indifferent....and he? He is only angry:"What is it again?!" I said it before: he behaves like the victim, with his bad wife being so cruel to him, each weekend the same story....the poor man. I really think I have learned to hate this man. How sad it this?

Sorry again,

pjf

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 8:21am

Pearljamforever,

I am so sorry that your husband is not responding to your needs. I found in the beginning that they have no idea how to fix this. They want to ignore it. They want it to go away.