freaked out yesterday

Avatar for cirrus1993
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
freaked out yesterday
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 7:33pm

Yesterday I laid down next to him in bed while he was napping and he got a text message while I was laying there. His phone was in his pocket as he snored and I couldnt get it. It bothered me and bothered me. He woke up and I told him I was freaking out and needed to see his phone. He shows it to me and it was a text from me that just didnt go through until a couple hours later. Relieved of course, but it had just sent my mind into that freak track and later he actually left the phone on the night stand and I sifted through it and kinda went off on him because it looks like he deletes calls being there were only 2 on the list and his phone rings all day long because its business and personal. My whole body trembled just from touching his dang phone. I hate the iphone and I hate the noise it makes for texts. Unfortunately half my coworkers now have one and I get post traumatic stress at work when they get texts. He told me I have to stop freaking out and kinda made fun of me. I instantly cried and told him it was not funny nor would it ever be and that if he thought it was funny he needed to experience it for himself. He asked me if that was a threat to get him back by cheating on him, to which I replied no, that I would just leave him and hope the next person gave it to him tenfold.

Supposedly we havent heard from OW in 3 weeks now. Such an odd feeling after months of torture, but sometimes my mind just hasnt accepted that its really gone now.

Dh has been very good to me otherwise, and very dedicated to our family and still expressing sorrow at random, vowing to me that he hasnt lied or done anything wrong in a couple of months now. I feel like he is pouring tons of love on me and it just kinda makes me think was she getting the other half of that love when I wasnt? Oh I just hate all this, wish it would leave my mind, and the hurt- I wish it would dissipate. Anyway, it is nice to actually feel him being in this 100% for a change now that I really know the difference. He treated me horribly off and on during the A year, and so many times I almost called it quits. I do find myself finally starting to look forward to our future. I am feeling better, not freaking out so much with the exception of last night.

dd1-11/22/08 (found out dh had multiple A since 2007, and one long term that was still occuring)
dd2-3/13/08 (found out dh had still not stopped the last A, and dealt with that for another month before he stopped)

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 12:31am


First of all, YOU ARE NORMAL!

I'm something like eleven months out from D Day. He's made no attempt to contact my spouse, nor has she tried to contact him. And I still checked her phone this week. Went through every text. That's how this stuff goes.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.


5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.


We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 2:53am

I think it's perfectly okay to freak out, although that's not how I see what took place, to be honest.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 7:26pm

I freak out over diff phone issues too.

I think for a while we will freak out about different things here and there ... and I think when we do our WS needs to be understanding and assure us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 7:45pm

Wow... I just posted something very similar to this. And I have been in almost the same boat for some time now.

About a week ago I freaked out and demanded to see his email. He happily let me check both of his accounts. He didn't give me any attitude or anything. I looked through everything- sent, inbox, deleted items- there was nothing suspicious there... nada!

I felt like such an idiot afterwards. My husband has been making every possible effort to rebuild our marriage and now I feel like the one that's tearing it apart with my suspicions and demands.

The thing that has been most helpful to me is my H's understanding. The other day he said, "I know why you're untrusting and I know it's going to take a lot of time to fix what I messed up." I started crying uncontrollably. He thought I was mad at first, but I was really so overwhelmingly happy that he understood and accepted that I was a little crazy.

My first D Day was at the end of March. Second was the beginning of May. Since then he's been pouring love, affection and attention on me.

I just wanted to offer my support. I wish I had some good solid advice for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 7:48pm

awww - don't feel like an idiot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 8:27pm

Hey do not feel like an idiot, most of us have those moments. I decided to "pretend" to H that I