freaked out yesterday
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|Thu, 06-25-2009 - 7:33pm|
Yesterday I laid down next to him in bed while he was napping and he got a text message while I was laying there. His phone was in his pocket as he snored and I couldnt get it. It bothered me and bothered me. He woke up and I told him I was freaking out and needed to see his phone. He shows it to me and it was a text from me that just didnt go through until a couple hours later. Relieved of course, but it had just sent my mind into that freak track and later he actually left the phone on the night stand and I sifted through it and kinda went off on him because it looks like he deletes calls being there were only 2 on the list and his phone rings all day long because its business and personal. My whole body trembled just from touching his dang phone. I hate the iphone and I hate the noise it makes for texts. Unfortunately half my coworkers now have one and I get post traumatic stress at work when they get texts. He told me I have to stop freaking out and kinda made fun of me. I instantly cried and told him it was not funny nor would it ever be and that if he thought it was funny he needed to experience it for himself. He asked me if that was a threat to get him back by cheating on him, to which I replied no, that I would just leave him and hope the next person gave it to him tenfold.
Supposedly we havent heard from OW in 3 weeks now. Such an odd feeling after months of torture, but sometimes my mind just hasnt accepted that its really gone now.
Dh has been very good to me otherwise, and very dedicated to our family and still expressing sorrow at random, vowing to me that he hasnt lied or done anything wrong in a couple of months now. I feel like he is pouring tons of love on me and it just kinda makes me think was she getting the other half of that love when I wasnt? Oh I just hate all this, wish it would leave my mind, and the hurt- I wish it would dissipate. Anyway, it is nice to actually feel him being in this 100% for a change now that I really know the difference. He treated me horribly off and on during the A year, and so many times I almost called it quits. I do find myself finally starting to look forward to our future. I am feeling better, not freaking out so much with the exception of last night.
dd1-11/22/08 (found out dh had multiple A since 2007, and one long term that was still occuring)
dd2-3/13/08 (found out dh had still not stopped the last A, and dealt with that for another month before he stopped)