Ha! She dropped the class!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Ha! She dropped the class!
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 4:29pm

Long story short. About 4 years ago DH had an EA with a woman who was staff where he taught who was taking advantage of the tuition break to get a degree. Even though DH was not teaching in her major, she took as many classes with him as she could. I guess this isn't unusual for students who minor in his area. But, she would stop his office just to talk even when she wasn't in one of his classes, she would bring her toddler to see him, she would invite him to events she was appearing in, you get the idea. About two years after she started pursuing him, he was in a bad place and opened himself up to her. A brief romantic EA took place before Dday #1, then there was a year of secret "friendship" before Dday #2, and another year of NC until he was clear of the fog. Typical. It was only after this that I was able to really put this behind me. We saw an MC and things became very good.

In the mean time, she graduated, quit her job and moved away. Then there was tragedy in her family which brought her back to campus briefly. I had gotten a job on campus about this time. A year after the fog cleared, she got a job on campus because she was fired from the job she had in her area of study, I mean the funding ran out, and her engagement broke up. Taking this position was a huge step down for her, especially since it meant moving back to her parent's place.

It seemed like just as the clouds were dissipating and the sun was coming out big anvil shaped clouds were forming on the horizon. DH was very proactive in how he dealt with her presence, going far beyond what I would have asked of him. He arranged things so that he would not have to have anything to do with her and has made sure that I am OK with everything every step of the way. In some ways I am glad of her presence because it has allowed DH to prove many things to me.

I, on the other hand have the pleasure of seeing her up to two times a week and it took me some time to find balance. Her presence doesn't disturb me at all. I don't think about her and I often forget to tell DH when I see her. If anything, my presence is more disturbing to her. Because I have to see her, I have had to deal with a lot of demons I would not have otherwise. When DH and I move on from this place we won't be taking her ghost with us.

So, it seems she is trying to get a second degree in DH's area. She is probably going to try grad school. She didn't take a class that he was teaching last semester that she needed, instead she had an independent study. But, there is a class that only DH teaches and cannot be done by independent study. This meant she had to take a class from DH, one of the most difficult classes in this major.

DH has told me she wasn't a good student, and used her association with him to get out of some requirements which allowed her to pass some classes she shouldn't have. No, no sexual favors were traded. It was more like she would miss more days than she could without her grade being dropped, but DH forgiving those days, or her getting into a fender bender (just a scratch on the fender) and being so distraught two weeks later that she could not make a presentation and DH didn't count it. She was so good at manipulating him and coming off as the poor, poor single mother so that he would feel protective of her. Yeah, this part still rankles and DH is totally embarrassed by it.

Before the semester began, DH and I talked and were in a pretty good place about her taking this class. I told him I didn't want to know if she was passing or any of that sort of stuff, just if she tried to get personal again. He was afraid he couldn't just treat her like another student and the he wouldn't be able to talk to me about it. This is a leftover from me being so upset when hearing her name and him hiding things from me knowing I would be upset if I knew. It seems to be a knee jerk reaction that he is having a tough time getting past, but is working on it.

He told me during the first class, she became just another student to him while she tried to look bored and like she didn't care. He didn't even have to try to treat her just like another student, it just happened without him realizing. It became clear that she just wasn't keeping up and didn't get the material. This is a tough major and the other students in the class were top students in the college. She started missing classes, a strategy she used to get his sympathy in the past. She would miss a couple of classes, he would call to see if she was OK, she would have some drama going on and he could be the hero by catching her up and forgiving the absences. That didn't happen this time. He didn't even email her.

DH told me today that she withdrew from the class because she has so much going on she can't keep up with the work load. Boo hoo. Well, it is one of those classes you have to show up 95% of the time or fail. Funny she didn't ask for any favors this time.

I am not rejoicing because of her situation, but I am enjoying watching Karma come around for a little visit. Didn't think I would see it, but I am glad I did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 3:56pm

It's always good to see that sort of karma work its magic, isn't it?