Harder to post nowdays

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Harder to post nowdays
13
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 2:43am

It shouldn't be, but not long ago somebody gave me a hard time it had been over 2 years since a second D-day and I was having a really hard time moving on from it all.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 7:02am
I had a lot of anxiety staying w/my STBX after he started to treat me right... or so I thought! That anxiety turned out to be my "little voice" telling me that something still wasn't right, and of course, this was so true. He continued to cheat w/another woman for 4 years after finding out about the 1st affair. Listen to that "little voice" in your head. Your anxiety could be telling you something, and you're not listening!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 2:17pm

Hi myradorn,


Yes, yes, yes.... anxiety galore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 03-09-2010 - 9:33pm

having been in my marriage for almost 33 years, with a serial cheater, who has done little if anything to accept responsibility i can not post to answer your question yet i do want to offer an opinion of one aspect of your post.

you HAVE given great advice to others, to me. the fact that you have stayed has given us yet another perspective of how we as betrayed spouses react to d day, no matter how many there are.

i hope you continue to post as i am thinking all that you have been thru is worth sharing, BUT ONLY IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING SO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:30am
Ah, you're preaching to the choir!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:46am

Thanks, ties.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:58am
Thanks, I feel comfortable but I think I have started sabotaging things for myself - old habit - by feeling guilty, simply because my DH has treated me nice for the past couple of years.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:47pm

Myra,
You are truly suffering, but it's never too late to take control of your own life and really think about what you want to do with it. We all have our demons from childhood or or current situations, but it's time to look at the future and recreate a new life. You only get this one chance! you will feel so empowered if you take control, and the fear will start to abate. Don't let anyone abuse or take advantage of you!

good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 6:12pm

i have been married for almost 33 years now - you are right, after a while bad becomes the norm, what you are 'comfortable' with, what you know - as ridiculous as it may sounds to others - those of us who
'chose' to accept this kind of life can relate.

if i may be so bold - it has been a while and so my old posting friend i would encourage you to STOP looking in the rear view mirror and begin looking out the front windshield to where YOU want to go. you are the driver now, not he, your know what you want and something tells me you would never go back. IT IS TIME TO TRUST YOURSELF. TRUST that you DESERVE the absolute best, you are destined to be happy and at peace. you have served your time dear myra and now it is time to come to the realization that you are no longer living a life sentence in that prison.

i would like to recommend a book - you can heal your life- by louise hay. it offers you the tools that you need to bring all of this full circle. it helps you to chizel away at the old and replacing it with what you truly wanted all along.

i am thinking out loud here, but am wondering if you have been this way the majority of your life - even when you were younger. did you not feel you were worthy of love, happiness, trust, a feeling of being safe? you were always putting everything, everyone before you, before self. so many of us women do not believe that we have the right to put ourselves first - but we do, you do. i do not mean to lecture here, as i am in reality not a person who should be giving any person advice. but here goes--------------- your husband, based on what you say, now gets it. yet, you are afraid to trust him due to years of pain and hurt. but what you must do is - embrace the new man that he is, celebrate it, understand that the way he is is what you have been deserving of all of your life.

tomorrow is promised to no one - not even those of us who have been in the clutches of betrayal. think about this - what if you awakened tomorrow am and found your husband had died in the middle of night. sorry to be so dark. would you, then, wish you had have enjoyed your times together, laughed, joked, hugged, held hands, gone to the movies, been grateful for the second chance to celebrate the love you so yearned for? so there it is-----------------

now is the time tomorrow is promised to no one................

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 11:05pm

myradorn,


first of all-don't quit posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 1:34am
That's why I'm seeing the therapist I picked - she's also a life coach and has additional training helping you do what you need to do to make your life better, whatever that ends up meaning.

 

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