Has the A changed your relationship w...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Has the A changed your relationship w...
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 2:59pm

Has the A changed your relationship with IL's ?

  • Yes
  • No
  • They don't know but I feel different
  • They know and I am uncomfortable
  • I feel withdrawn but unsure why
  • We are closer now

You will be able to change your vote.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 3:02pm
i decided to be the first to respond. I feel withdrawn. I am not sure why? We used to be so close and now I just can't handle being close to them. I was in so much pain when i had to say my good byes. That I don't want to feel part of the family. At least not yet anyway...... HMMMMMMM i guess I do know why!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 4:51pm

I am so lucky in this area. He and his 9 cousins are every bit as close as close siblings are at this age. They are lovely, educated, and loving people. I am fortunate to be among them. ( My dh is 60yo. I'm 43yo. Among the group of them, I'm closer in age to some of their adult children than I am to the cousins.:) )

In dh's family, xH and xSO are a welcome part of the family. They never lose their place amongst the group. They often share holidays.

So, I know that no matter what happens, I will always be a part of this wonderful group of people that I have come to know and love.


"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."

-Mark Twain


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 5:02pm

It changed our relationship in the sense that it made it even worse than before. I found out just how much my IL truly hate me and how they actually encouraged H's affair in very subtle ways. They of course deny this. It's very sad because they say they love their son and only care about his happiness. However, if they truly cared about him and loved him more than they hate me, than they would do everything in their power to try to foster a good relationship with me (because H has stated to both of us how important this is to him). On the day we reconciled, I called them to extend the olive branch and they were so incredibly cruel to me. They have treated my H very poorly since he "chose me" over the OW. It's like they are actually mad at him for getting back with me.

Yes, they are spawns of Satan in the truest sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 10:26pm

My MIL was here from overseas and living with us during the time my H was having the A. She saw what he was doing to our M and family and basically they got into it on several occasions. She thought he was just losing his mind because she couldn't understand how he could do something like this. (My MIL speaks very little English but I know this from the kind way she treated and protected me during that time and from things my H has told me since then.) I actually met her for the very time when she came to stay with us so it was very akward (sp?) for the first two months. So believe it or not, it actually brought us closer together in the end.

A positive note -- my H said he wants to have his mom come and stay with us for a month or so after we buy a house so he can prove to her that he truly is a great husband and dad. He is so remorseful and feels so much guilt for the way he treated her while she was here, the way he acted toward her and the things he did to me and our DD during that time. He wants to show her that everything is OK now, we're rebuilding our M, and we're happy together as a family. I think that shows a lot about how far we've come in the rebuilding and how far he's come personally. He truly feels ashamed for what he did and the fact that he chose the time his mom came to stay with us for it all to happen. He also wants her to have a better, happier time with us this go-round. We were in so much turmoil and so unhappy due to the A when she was here before.

I was very leery of having her come again because of the prior experience, but I feel very positive about it now since he opened up and really talked to me about it all. I think it will be a good thing for her to come and stay a month or so. I think it will also put her mind at ease. She's still been worried about us.