Having Bad Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Having Bad Day
4
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 10:30am

I am having a bad day today it has been 3 weeks since Dday and today am I falling apart. I decided to stay with my H after his breif affair and for the most part doing ok. But today my thoughts are all over the place. I keep thinking of the details that I know and I am getting more mad by the minutes.

I want to call him up and just chew him out and ask all the questions all over again. When does this feeling stop why can one day be fine and the next be a mess. Working it out is hard and I am not sure I can survive this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 10:45am

That feeling of wanting to know the answers is intense! In the beginning, you go through that a lot. Are you in MC? A good therapist can help guide you through this period so you know your issues and questions are being discussed but your H doesn't feel like he's being attacked all the time. Its a hard balance and I failed many times when anger got the best of me and I lashed out.

I'm a year out and I still have moments when I want to ask him questions that I've asked so many times before. But I can't keep asking those questions and getting angry at him because thats counterproductive to making a healthy marriage. I've learned to write all my questions down, take them to my therapist and go over what angers me. She gives me insight into our marriage, myself, my H and then I walk away feeling better. My thinking is distorted in some ways - a lot of what was my H's doing I would tell myself is bc of something I lacked or did to him. Its warped and it took me a while to make the first step in realizing that wasn't true. I feel like I've had a crash course in human nature in the past year. Many of the things I believed in were destroyed after his affair. I'm rebuilding my marriage, but I'm also rebuilding my thinking on life and love.

hugs,
hannah

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 11:50am

Thank you for your words. We are in the search for a MC but it has been hard. To find a good one.

I lashed out yesterday and accused him all over again of seeing the OW turns out I was mistaken but it just opened the flood gates in my mind and thoughts. So today I am doing the why this happened what is wrong with me and I am so angry at him for the lies he told me and they way he tried to make me think I was crazy when it was all happening and I was calling him on his actions and even when I found the phone calls he still denied anything else but just phone calls then two days later I found out about the actual A. Just some days it so more then my mind can handle.

I am just going on and on now. thank you for responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:42pm

Hang in there my friend. My D-day was last October and I STILL have days like that even though we are in the process of rebuilding. The OW doesn't even live in the state any more! Just yesterday, I started flipping through his old cell phone bills, torturing myself, thinking about all the time he spent with her on the phone, wondering if he told her he loved her, etc. UGH!! Some days are just maddening but tomorrow will come.

There will be more good days than bad as time goes on. Hang in there, remember, you are loved, try to be strong and don't be afraid to keep us posted.

Hugs!
Jennifer in CT

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 5:28pm
You dont know me but, I'm your twin. I have recently been where you are, I think you stole your post out of my journal!! I have been married for 7 years, I have a son, and found out two months ago my husband cheated on me one was sexual the other a kissing friend, I guess friends kiss, I never made out with any of my friends. Anyhow I got a journal adn let it go, your random craziness is normal, you cant possibly comprend all that hurt at once. I worked maybe 20 hours in two weeks I was so crazy if he didnt answer the phone when I called I thought he was talking to one of them, I would write 20-30quiestions a day to ask him when I got home. DONT GET ANY DETAILS!!!! Its like getting puched int eh stomache, your mind will use them to kick you when your down PLEASE, PLEASE, PELASE, PLEASE, PLEASE TRUST ME (yes I know I'm a stranger) but trust me!! I saw pictures of my husbands girls and I was wonderign if it would hurt to poke out own eyes??? I wondered if he saw her when we had sex, did we feel the same, did he say the same things to her?? Your mind will torture you dont let it. I had the angry days to but, yelling will make him defensive and say ugly things that you knowill take personal because you vulnerable. I wish you where close enough to hug, I swear I'm not weird, your post is so much me its scary. My prayers are with you but know, you need something to lean on God is optimal but exercise, journaling, or even a hobby will help. Hes not your life you have just made him that, I can identify with that, you are in control of your life!!! Just write out what you want and need and see if he can be those things. Communication is key, he obvioulsy cant because he would of brought up his feeligns before he acted on them. Be strong, your life is worth fighting for!!!