Hi, Hon, I'm back ... (WTF?!)
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|Sat, 01-07-2006 - 5:40pm|
Since full disclosure I feel that my H feels like "okay honey, I'm back now, let's move on." WTG is wrong with these men?! Like he should be welcomed back with open arms, as IF I should be somehow grateful that he CHOSE me over OW?! As IF he is the one with options at this time.
It has been 4 months since DDay #1 and we went all that time with H denying everything giving me (& our MC) the "just friends" line. For 4 months he saw me in agony and going out of my mind and he continued to call OW, from a payphone, to "see if you called her". And now that he's told me the extent of their affair everything's suppose to be "normal" now. I don't know how BS's handle this period of time. There's so much anger, resentment, bitterness, and hurt. How can one possibly even consider *rebuilding*? I'm at a point where I feel that *rebuilding* is nothing but a placebo, for the BS, to keep the WS out of the hotseat, so to speak. And, no thank you, not interested. That's what it has been for four fuc*ing months, to appease me, to keep me at bay. I listen to H's conversations with OW and she says "what's wrong with her" (speaking of me) and asking my H "are you still in MC and isn't that helping HER" to which H says "I guess not".
Now H is interested in *rebuilding*. Is that the real *rebuilding* as it was the last four months, or is this time genuine. I am interested in ANY rebuilding, other than the rebuilding of myself. Here I was trying to work on our marriage singlehandedly and I'm plain outright tired. Just so dang tired of it all. I'm going out of town tomorrow, to sunny 80 degree weather, for 4-5 days, alone, which I can't wait for. Initially I was afraid that H might use this time to reconnect with OW, and now I really don't care if he does or not. As a matter of fact, I've even thought of calling her and telling her to have at it bc I'm out of town, and I just might do that. I really want to tell OW's H the true extent of their affair, as my H told her OW a watered down version of it, minimizing it to "it only happened once" when it happened more times than they can count and over a much longer period than H would like OW's H to know.
As you can see I am going from numb to anger. I think this trip is much needed and I plan on having a really good time. How have others dealt with this period of time, the time between "knowing everything" to so-called "rebuilding". I'm just not ready to expend any emotional energy into so-called *rebuilding". How long does this transitional period last? Will I ever feel like *rebuilding* or is this as good as it's gonna get? Bc if it is, then we might as well shake hands and say "nice knowing you but gotta run, my life is waiting for me".