his feelings for her???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
his feelings for her???
9
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 10:43pm
So, for the ones whos partner had more then just some one night thing, you know an actual relationship with another. How do you live with the fact that your partner still has some feeling for another person? I mean how could they not have feelings for someone they had a relationship with. They did have enough feelings to step out on you with this person????
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 11:39pm

It's one of those $64,000 questions, many of us struggle with that one.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 12:37am

When dday#2 happened (same OW) the affair had been in full swing for 3 LONG years. When I confronted him the second time, he said it was "just sex". So, he was thinking THAT made it ok because no feelings were involved? But I am not stupid and I knew that my H must indeed have feelings for this sl*t or he would not have been able to lie to my face for so long and risk a 25yr M. I was quite sure that this "nice" (his words ARRRGGGGHHH) woman was someone he would not be able to let go of so easily and I told him he was not getting another chance.


The story is long, but now that much time has passed, I have learned that it was not so much that he felt deeply for

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 2:58am

myradorn,


I thank you for you relpy to me, they mean so much,


my H didn't get that physical, I mean they kissed a few times and then he confesed cuz the whole thing made him sick for 2 weeks. But I am there ya know , it's just how , HOW do you do that with no emotion ya know. I just HATE the thought of him caring at all for someone other then me, I mean I thought I was specale right?! ME! Am I not special? He has honestly shown that he is sorry da@n sorry and he says, like they all do, he will NEVER do that again, but I just don't know.... I couldn't trust him then Why shoould I trust him now, This game SUCKS!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 11:43am

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 1:15pm

Caffeine: That was a beautiful post, so well said and so true. I know this post will help many of us still struggling with the hows and whys of affair "fantasyland".


It is good to see that you are still here,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 3:10pm

my opinion only here - but i believe that for most the 'feelings' you are talking about has to do with self infated 'i'm all of that'. it is about the sex and the thrill of the conquest. the thrill that i am doing this, me, i have another woman who will give me what i want sexually and i don't even have to marry her. i can have the wife at home and the other woman - ALL AT THE SAME TIME. how great is that!!!!!

yes, i believe it is primarily about the ego and the need to feed it. and let us not forget about the sex, isn't that what drives most men, i mean speaking honestly here. they want to feel like macho macho man.

the problem i have with my husbands affair is the mind chatter. the knowing what went on and not being able to deal with it. the fact that he shared what i thought WE considered to be OUR with a perfect STRANGER is almost more than i can handle. it is ego driven for me as well, my ego can not deal with the fact that 'he obviously did not care about me or he would have never done all of these things to me'. my question, 'why didn't you leave and go do, go live that life if that is what you wanted?'

i am going out on a limb here, but i truly believe that in 99% of the cases it is all about the sex with them and with us. yes, we are hurt that our husbands/wives lied but what we are all having the major problem with is the fact that they went to a place THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE SACRED. how could they do that??? we are left feeling empty and worthless -----we are left with feeling of self doubt about everything.

in order to rebuild the husbands/wives need to understand all of this, all of these feelings. they must be willing and able to put themselves in our shoes and truly be able to understand the depth of the pain they have caused by bringing a stranger into OUR life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 3:30pm
I have many similar thoughts, they

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 3:48pm

i am sitting her bawling like a baby over your sentence 'when he cheated he took that away i stopped feeling cherished and special'. BINGO, you hit the nail on the head

i read in one of his emails where he told her "you are the only woman i want to -, -, and -........if you do not rescue me soon i will be forced to go on the prowl" now that made me feel special - he never gave me any warning like that. i am his wife of many years and yet he never could talk to me and tell me "i need more, we need more, we are lacking' OH NO, but to this other woman he is begging.

truth be told i can't get it out of my head. knowing what they did together, i simply can't get it out of my head, knowing the acts they did, it is as if someone has branded that video on my brain. what does that say about me, pretty pitiful i am thinking some of you are thinking. and you are right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 11:00pm
I agree.