Horrible Dream/Asked for Separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Horrible Dream/Asked for Separation
4
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 9:59am

I had a horrible dream last Thursday. I was on a small island and couldn't get off. I felt something on my ear and tried to pull it off. My ear was bleeding and crusty and at first I thought it was cancer. Then a big fat bloated tick fell off my ear onto the ground. I picked up a shoe to crush it, but was scared to crush it. Scared the blood would go everywhere. So I thought about what to do and while I was thinking, the tick got small again and I couldn't find it. I suddenly felt overwhelmed that the tick was going to climb back on me. I KNEW this was going to happen. The dream was simple, island is my marriage and H is the tick, he does big horrible things (big tick) then tries to show he will be different (small tick), I trust him and he becomes the big tick again, meanwhile my lifeblood, faith, hope is being sucked out of me.

I woke up feeling so so so sad. It didn't stop. To make matters worse, it was our anniversary Saturday. Our 16 yr anniversary. (together for 20 years - TWENTY YEARS!!!)

I asked H to separate on Monday. I felt horrible all day and several times felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack.

I am hurting so much . . . kept hoping the worst was behind us (he overcame porn addiction besides the affair and at times was doing better w/alcohol).

But I do know one thing: I deserve better.

Imommy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 11:34am
wow what a dream. Yes you do deserve better. Its hard to ask for separations. but you did it because you had to. Now take this time to figure out what you want. See a counselor, get a journal, write down things you expect from your marriage. Make a list of things you expect and a list of things you wont accept. See where it takes you. 180 program works for alot of people you might check it out. There is a link below. Hang in there, and let us know how your doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 2:39pm
you did ask to seperate...... Wow!! I am so proud of you but sooooo sad for your pain. You will get thru this, just keeping posting. We are here for you. hugs, tea
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2009
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 10:44pm

i truly believe, based on what you posted, that you have an angel - a special connection with someone who has passed that is attempting to tell you something - trying to warn you.

i am so sorry for your pain.

as i sat here and read your dream, it was as if i absolutely could read the message. my goodness, many of us here need one of those collars - you know the ones - the ones that kill fleas and ticks. ticks are ugly - and you are right - they latch on and suck the very life out of you.

funny i never thought of my husband in that way - but now that i do - you hit the nail on the head. the only problem is while sucking the life out of you they are also injecting a serum that leaves you with very little self esteem and hope.

thank you for sharing something that is so painful.

/
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Wed, 05-05-2010 - 1:16am

You mentioned that "at times (your H) was doing better w/ alcohol."

If your H has a problem with alcohol, please consider Al Anon. It is group for friends/relatives of someone with an alcohol problem, and will help you learn to be happy whether or not your H is drinking.