How do you blank the visions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2009
How do you blank the visions?
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 4:56pm

Well im in the process of trying to rebuild things its as you all know yourselves up and down but we are trying but my question is this, how do you block out the thoughts of H and Girl together?

Myself and H got close the other night but i kept thinking ooh how would she do it this way? and is he thinking of her? Maybe as we were in his house and i know thats were they were together maybe that has something to do with it i dont know. I have told H that i dont want to rush things and i dont and he is fine but it just bugs me that i cant put it out of my head. Any suggestions? Or is this just time thats needed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 1:36am

Oh, yes, those visions.

My experience is that time is what it takes to blank them. And, of course, counseling and a H who is willing to do the hard work of rebuilding. It may help, when you have those visions, to imagine that your H and the OW have big signs around their necks saying things like "damaged," or "deluded". Imagine that the signs are so huge that they can't really get close to each other without whacking one another with their sign.

I think to get to a point where you no longer have those mental pictures you first have to trust your H again, and he has to prove himself trustworthy. And my H and I were intimate long before I quit having the visions. It was emotionally hard at first, but I think it helped in our recovery.

I can honestly say that I no longer have those visions, but I think it took me more than a year to get to that point. I read everything I could get my hands on, went to individual therapy and couples therapy.

You know the saying that living well is the best revenge? Well, I recently read a better one: Forgetting is the best revenge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 8:22am
Well, for me good communication together is a start. I can recall asking many many questions about her and sex and
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 11:19pm

hey All.