How do you deal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
How do you deal?
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 12:40pm

My H works with OW. They have to see each other every day. I literally panic when I think about her at work. I think she must get all made up in the morning and put on her skimpiest outfit to seduce him. (I'm not sure if that's true. But I can't help what comes into my mind.)

Since D Day #2 he's been very open and honest (and doesn't get frustrated) when I ask questions about OW or about events during his day. This helps a little. But I still don't trust him completely and so some stories just make me angrier. Any time her name is mentioned I tense up.

I HATE that there can't be a clean break between them. I'm not making excuses or anything- but if they weren't working together everyday maybe there wouldn't have been a D Day #2. If she wasn't right there in front of him telling him how depressed she is maybe he would have focused more on me.

This woman is VERY manipulative and uses everything at her disposal to get what she wants. She lies. She throws herself pity parties. She makes herself the center of attention so people will listen to her "version" of the truth.

I just don't know how to deal with this. I don't trust my H. And I don't trust the OW. Together they are lethal to our marriage!

For those of you who have to deal with your H or W seeing the OW or OM often, how do you deal with it? Are there any special "rules" that you have because they have to see each other so often?

Thank you for your advice and support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 2:37am

My H did not work with OW but I know for sure I would not be able to deal with it after two ddays. I would have panic every day when he left for work. I can't remember if your H XOW has a husband or not but if so, then it is time for her husband to "find out" about her betrayal.

I do know that some BS who have H working with XOW will

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 3:06am

That would drive me bonkers.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 2:27pm

Thank you all for your support so far! It's been so helpful to have support from someone during this time!

There is no way my H can get

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 5:01pm

Hi Neverguessed,

I'm about 3 years post D-Day, can't believe it's been that long, wow!

My Husband also works with the OW. Same situation, not really feasible for him to leave and she will never leave either.

Their working together drove me crazy for a long time also. I also went for a long time checking everything I could get my hands on, etc. Never found anything and I hated the way it made me feel.

I came to the conclusion that, 1# I didn't want to live my life checking up on someone 2# All I can control in the matter is my own behavior, not his 3# There had been signs and my intuition had been peaked months before I found out but I ignored the signs. I listen to my gut now and trust myself.

I realized I had to jump in and choose to trust him #trust is a choice we make, like happiness).

A few more things, I came to the conclusion that if he wanted to be with her it was in my best interest for them both to figure that out sooner rather than later so I could get the heck out the marriage. So in that way it's good they see eachother. Also, he may see her now and think OMG what an idiot I was!

And lastly, I have faith in a higher power and I believe that there is an angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 8:36am

regarding DD#2 - I am of the belief that most affairs have more than one DD ... or even if they don't often times things continue for a while even if the bs doesn't KNOW it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 4:17pm
I agree completely.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 3:22am

Do you know if he or she are texting each other outside of work or late night phone calls?