How long do I wait until I cut the cord?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
How long do I wait until I cut the cord?
7
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 2:04pm

It's astounding to me how many people are going through the same thing I am.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 5:17am

You just can't have outside influences in a marriage. One of DW's girlfriends whom she used to giggle with about their affairs, finally told her husband. He thought it was soo cool that she had an affair and they signed up for a swinging group. They met other couples and had sex with them. The last time, the man began doing something that upset her and would not stop. He husband got off the woman and came over and pushed the man off.

My DW at first thought that was soo cool and wanted either me or her AP to do this with her. I said hell no.

After several months of rebuilding. DW came out of her fog. She began telling this girlfriend about how hard we were working and just how screwed up the A was and some of the stuff she was considering. Some people at their work began to find out about the woman's swinging and it freaked them out and it got back to the woman. She told her husband and it sort of pulled them out of the fog. They are now really pulling together. The Swinging thing was really a cry for help. She said that now that they are pulling together, that they have never been so happy.

Do you think that when you gave him permission that you really just wanted to see if he would come back to you? Or did you really think he would get it out of his system?

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 9:19am

I guess in a way I did

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 10:27am

Tori

Let us not dwell on our mistakes. That's what being young and foolish is all about. some of us (Me) have to learn some things the hard way. Now that we have learned some of it. Let's try and learn the rest of it the easy way. The two of you should get some therapy for sure. Mine was really important to me. There are a few books out there. The one I read was "getting past the affair" I read it three times on my own and once with DW. When we read it together, it was huge!! It talked about both sides and no way I could have seen her side without that book.

More than anything, make sure you are taking good care of yourself. If you care for yourself, you will be more able to care for those children and solve your problems.

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 11:08am

Thank you for your responses.

Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 12:19pm

It sounds like you are doing your best. Work the 180 list. Keep in your own therapy. All you can do is become better for yourself. Figure out what your bottom line is, and insist on that for now. And continue to take care of yourself.

Chin up.

And keep posting. ok!

Thomas

5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008

Status: Figuring it out. Together.

Thomas

We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 3:21pm
IMO you're still fulfilling emotional needs for him and he doesn't want to let that go.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 4:04pm

I agree, I don't see how 4 months apart brings us closer either.