H's Light bulb moment.. VENT
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|Tue, 05-02-2006 - 7:22pm|
This is long sorry just need to vent..
I got angry today at my H. He had made a comment the other night that got under my skin and the fact that he is visting porn sites is bothering me. Even though he used to visit them before and I never cared. I guess my feelings have changed in that regard. Anyway today was the last straw.... He made some stupid comment and I lost it. I truly don't even know what the comment was all I do know is it hit a nerve and the flood gates opened wide!!
In a strange calm almost too calm way... I told him I was tired.. I was tired of feeling bad.. I was tired of wondering and thinking and re thinking everything he says and does. I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of feeling like I don't matter that my feelings don't matter. That he could be so clueless and think it would EVER be ok with me for him to make comments about other woman. To go to porn sites. To go back to his "normal" self while I sat here suffering the pain of his betrayal.. I told him that I felt it might be time for us to move on. For him and I to have sometime alone. That I was just too tired and not sure if could ever get over what he did to me. Since he seems to be able to go on as if nothing ever happened and I can't then it might be best that we stop this..
He looked at me and said he was sorry.. Great another sorry to add to my collection>> GO ME!! He held me close and I started to cry and cry. I told him I was driving myself crazy. That I could not stop thinking about what he did and thinking and rethinking. That no ONE day goes by with out me thinking about it..
Almost like a light bulb went off in him. He says to me I am so very sorry.. I don't know what to do or how to fix this outside of being here for you. This is the light bulb.... (I never truly understood the pain you have been in until now!!!??!?!?!?!?!) WTF!! where has he been? Does he not hear me? does he not listen in MC ? Does he not see my pain??
I am just in a tail spin like who have I been talking to? Who has been telling me they understand and will help me in anyway?? Does he not remember these talks?? I don't get it.. I am so confused..
Anyone care to comment? Any thoughts?
Sorry so long thanks for listening