Hubby finally said the right thing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Hubby finally said the right thing...
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 3:48pm

Wow, I am at a loss. It's not that what he said was "right" as in correct but that it felt right it hit a spot in me. Little flashing light bulb of hope.

For the past couple days that nagging feeling of things just not being at ease was eating me up. Well yesterday he said something, and for the life of me I can't recall what but I replied with "Well I am still mad at you." He did say anything and we both went about our day. He knew what I was refering to with out me having to spell it out. Later we were talking and I couldn't let it go so I said that I don't believe him that it was once. We didn't fight or anything just discussed it. I mentioned how so much of what I read here, and in a few self help books I have purchased, that all of it is based on long term affairs. And that with all the time he spent with her it is hard to buy that it was once. He basically said that if it had been an on going thing he would have left or we would have ended up split. But after things going to far once he realized that what he could lose was not replacable. And that years later when I was actually told it sunk in again that he could have lost it all but didn't want to live with a lie to someone he cared about. Then he sarcastically thanked me for now making him have to think about the stupid thing he had done for another week. Which made me smile because I have to think about it too.

Then later last night we were having a conversation in bed, just holding each other and he commented about me telling him I was still mad and that he was sorry for being stupid. He asked why I was mad, and giving a direct guy type response I said "because I don't trust you and I can't forgive you until I can trust you." He said nothing. No why don't I trust him, we didn't argue about that it was only once, we didn't get into that the OW is not of interest even though she's around,nothing-it was nice. I have been fighting a terrible cold (somewhere between please kill me and I'm gonna die) so I was tossing and turning trying to get to sleep when in a soft voice, hubby said " I will work harder to gain you trust." Nothing more was said.

Finally a conversation that actually said something. Not the standard I cheated I am stupid and get over it. But that I hurt too, I am sorry for nothing thinking about us, and now we can work together to make things right. It went from I (selfish) to Us.

No he's not forgiven for having a moment of heart but atleast it is a start.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
Mon, 04-10-2006 - 2:53pm

"Wow, I am at a loss. It's not that what he said was "right" as in correct but that it felt right it hit a spot in me. Little flashing light bulb of hope."

My H and I have had a couple of these type of moments as well, and just having the good feeling you have, broken, is sometimes better than the "right word."