It is time for you to think about YOU! I am divorcing my H after 25 yrs. of marriage (I am 51), 2 affairs and he was also the main breadwinner. I made a little money but kept up w/my skills and career somewhat so it's been easier to move ahead now. My atty. told me that he will have to pay me a lot of alimony and I will get 65% of the assets all b/c of the disparity between our incomes. You need to ask an atty. about this. It will ease your mind about financial security and help you move on. Your physical health is at risk now(STD's as well as your high blood pressure) ,so your therapist is correct. You need to leave him. He will do this to you the rest of your life. Is this what you want? I decided this is NOT what I want and as scary as it is to be alone it is better than this insanity. As soon as I made the decision and he moved out, I felt a huge relief. It is hard to change your life after so many yrs. and to be alone again, but I felt I had no choice. I knew I couldn't go through another betrayal, risk my health, and had to find my self respect again. You should work on finding the strength to leave in therapy and move forward. I am joining several activities to meet new people and to fill some lonely hours. It will be hard ,but it can be done. Good friends become like family.
After I left my H ,I realized so much of my energy was put into his well being and not mine! It's so great to find myself again.
The way your H has treated you is unconscionable. He is bringing you down and the rest of your life will be miserable. Don't give him the power to do this to you. Be strong and take back your own life. Face the fear and find new friends for support and open up to the friends you have. You will be amazed at how caring they will be. Nobody likes a cheater! And your atty. is correct- keep the divorce as amicable as possible. I am trying to do the same.
I call this period borrowed time. When you feel you should leave but our own fears and insecurities stop us.
I have to tell you that just 3 weeks since leaving my H I am a much happier person. I feel like myself again and have control over my own life. The anxiety and stress are gone and I don't even miss him. I'm furious because of what he's done to our family, but I'm dealing with that in counseling. All told, I'm excited about my new life and I'm no longer afraid. You will be so relieved if you leave your H to be released from all the pain. It is a life altering experience and you will be transformed into a stronger person. You will never be afraid of anything again.