I choose to give him a second chance and rebuild.....

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I choose to give him a second chance and rebuild.....
Tue, 07-24-2012 - 11:51am

I found out on the weekend that my fiancee has been having a 3 year on/off affair.  We have been together 2 years and were supposed to get married in August of this year, needless to say I have called off the wedding.  Unfortunately for me I have been thru this before my X husband had an affair, and when that was exposed he didn't care, he left me for the other woman without any remorse or even wanting to work things out.  So now here I am going thru this for a second time in 4 years, and the difference is my fiancee wants to work it out between him and I, he has agreed to councelling (which we start this week) and this is probably moreso for me to understand how to get over it and trust again if thats possible and not be such a b**ch towards him. 

Not that this by any means excuses his actions but my fiancee lost his wife suddenly 5 years ago in her sleep she was 39 and died of a heart attack and he was lonely and lost after that, which I totally undertand.  What I don't understand is why once he moved in with me and moreso asked me to marry him last August he didn't break it off then?  He said he was hoping "it would go away" how by continually meeting and sleeping with her was he hoping she woudl go away?  She texted me on the weekend and said "your the winner" he texted her and told her they were done for good, but how do I know this isn't their plan to pull the wool over my eyes?  So as it stands the score is infidelity:2 me:0!

I guess it says something that he wants to stay and work this out, he says he does love me and the last two years have not been a lie, but how do I know for sure?  I never will.  I do love him, I'm just very angry and hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008

Hi doubles,  Just be cautious.  You have been through the ringer before and I would hate to see you go through it again.  I am sure you have a plan b in place and that you are able to walk and take care of yourself should the need arise:smileyhappy:

How are your babies doing by the way?

take care,


Avatar for pater_familia
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008


I simly can't believe what I'm reading. You have been through so much. I've followed you're story from the begining four years ago and I feel like the wind has just been sucked from my lungs. I'm so sorry. 



We have five kids. Our D-Day was in August, 2008.