"I had to make changes either way."
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|Tue, 04-07-2009 - 7:09am|
DW and I were driving back from my work together yesterday. I thought it was a very important conversation about owing our own contributions to the problems in our marriage.
Two weeks before D Day, DW took me for a walk and asked me for a divorce. I asked what I could do to fix things. She said "getting rid of the tv in our bedroom would be a good start." I took it out that day and placed it face down in my office floor. A few days after D Day, I put my sledge through it in front of her. The fact of the matter is that I had become a no-show father and husband. If I stay with DW or not, I had things I needed to change. Today, eight months later, I've come a long way, yet I recognize that I am a work in progress.
DW has heard me say this a few times now and it's been percolating in her brain I suppose. She expressed to me in the car yesterday that if she left me, she would have to address her need for attention from other men. She could not go through life bouncing from one man to the next. It was unhealthy for her and a lousy example for the children. She had to make changes in her life, She said that it was only right to make these changes now and work through this with me. It's not entirely romantic. It's practical. But this is a far cry from where we were and the things that were coming out of her mouth back in August.
We BOTH dug ourselves into this big hole we are in. Maybe there is something romantic about helping each other pull ourselves out of that hole and recommitting to be far better than we ever were.
I told my spouse the last of my secrets. That I had an email exchange in Jan with one of the men. I told her what he confessed to me. DW gave me new info. I really wanted to grill her but found a way to just let it go. I'm doing a lot better with that now, letting it go.
That was then. This is now. Our kids are really acting out at the moment. I'm not sure what to do. Just when DW and I are on the verge of peace, these kids are offering new stress. Ugh! We can't seem to catch a break.
5 kids ages 15-9, D Day: August 5, 2008
Edited 4/8/2009 10:22 am ET by pater_familia