I screwed up
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|Tue, 04-04-2006 - 5:56pm|
Well, I went and looked at his stupid bank account again today. I'm ok as long as he has accessed it that day cuz it just has the date it was last accessed. But he hasn't looked at it today so he'll know that I am still looking. He went ballistic on me a couple of weeks ago for doing it. I just don't think I can handle it today (or tomorrow or ever).
He says what I'm doing is just as bad as the lying and deceit he put me thru with his A. I don't get it. I hear a lot of 'full disclosure' and 'he must be an open book' from you guys, but he doesn't prescribe to that theory.
I think he is still seeing OW/coworker. I know this sounds nuts, but I just get this 'feeling' in my gut when he's with her. And we went away for the weekend so it's been a while since he's seen her and prolly has LOTS to talk about. I tried to call him at lunch but he had his phone off. Called me when he got back and was all defensive about me being down in the dumps (anniv of my mom's death) and saying I needed to snap out of it and not kick him, he's not the dog and I'm gonna ruin all of our progress(?) with my 'malaise'. The thing is I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING to him about ANYTHING except 'why didn't you answer your phone?' I went to the store a few minutes ago and he called me 8 freakin times (guess cell was dead in the store) and he asked me the same freakin question 'why didn't you answer your phone?' (which he has a right to IMHO). I was not kicking him. He acts guilty, I know now how he acts when he's guilty....
Maybe I'll get my wish and he'll leave. Be careful what you wish for I guess. I just don't want the kids or myself to get involved in another screaming match. I'm so tired of screaming...
Thanks so much for listening AGAIN today!