I Thought I was Over All of This

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
I Thought I was Over All of This
7
Sat, 04-25-2009 - 1:05am
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 4:50pm

sails - first off i want to say i'm sorry you're having a tough time right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-26-2009 - 6:54pm
It's like post-traumatic stress disorder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:34pm

Sails, I am sorry that you are having a relapse. Reading your post made me so sad. It has been 9.5 months since finding out that my H had an A. I am in such a better place now and our M is stronger than ever but I do still think about it quite often. I need constant reassurance from my H which he gives me, but I pray that 12 years from now I am not still thinking about it.


I think sometime, however that the BS is so concerned with taking care of their WS' feelings after D-Day that they don't properly grieved. I have read many posts where the BS walks on egg shells after D-Day to spare their WS' feelings. I didn't. I let my DH have it and I didn't care if it meant ending my M, I put him through hell, made him answer ALL of my questions and told him that it was his responsibility to help me get through this awful thing that HE put us through. When he tried to feel sorry for himself I never let him steal my opportunity to grieve and let him know that he had been selfish enough in our M to make a decision to bring in a third party and now it is my turn for him to make it up to ME.


So, in your case, maybe you were so concerned with your W grieving process that you never really took care of yourself enough and allowed yourself to grieve, or did something happen significantly in your life which caused you to spiral into the past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 4:23pm

Dear Caffeine free


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 4:38pm

Hello Lily


Thank you for the advice i thought we did deal with it. I don't know allot about post tramatic stress disorder but i guess its worth looking into it.


I have forgiven my wife I don't blame her its just lately I just can't seem to be able to erase the thoughts that keep coming into my mind and its leaving me with a feeling of confusion and lack of control.


I know that i may eventually have to tell my wife what I am going through but i am hoping that as this has recently come to mind it will fade away again. If that happens I can spare her feelings.


I do know that talking about it here on this site seems to be helping me it is comforting to know that there are people out there who care


Thank you for that

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 5:18pm

Dear ILMW


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 12:44pm
Hi Sails
I think you need to communicate this to your wife.
I have read and found that conveying the pain of the betrayal so that the wayward spouse can see what you are going through is key to your healing. You don't have to blame just explain that it has deeply affected you and it is what is happening. Her response may be what you need to learn and or see. It is important that she knows how important she is to you and how her decisions have and will affect you. Think of it as a compliment to her. It can bring you even closer together.