sails - first off i want to say i'm sorry you're having a tough time right now.
Sails, I am sorry that you are having a relapse. Reading your post made me so sad. It has been 9.5 months since finding out that my H had an A. I am in such a better place now and our M is stronger than ever but I do still think about it quite often. I need constant reassurance from my H which he gives me, but I pray that 12 years from now I am not still thinking about it.
I think sometime, however that the BS is so concerned with taking care of their WS' feelings after D-Day that they don't properly grieved. I have read many posts where the BS walks on egg shells after D-Day to spare their WS' feelings. I didn't. I let my DH have it and I didn't care if it meant ending my M, I put him through hell, made him answer ALL of my questions and told him that it was his responsibility to help me get through this awful thing that HE put us through. When he tried to feel sorry for himself I never let him steal my opportunity to grieve and let him know that he had been selfish enough in our M to make a decision to bring in a third party and now it is my turn for him to make it up to ME.
So, in your case, maybe you were so concerned with your W grieving process that you never really took care of yourself enough and allowed yourself to grieve, or did something happen significantly in your life which caused you to spiral into the past.
Dear Caffeine free
Thank you for the advice i thought we did deal with it. I don't know allot about post tramatic stress disorder but i guess its worth looking into it.
I have forgiven my wife I don't blame her its just lately I just can't seem to be able to erase the thoughts that keep coming into my mind and its leaving me with a feeling of confusion and lack of control.
I know that i may eventually have to tell my wife what I am going through but i am hoping that as this has recently come to mind it will fade away again. If that happens I can spare her feelings.
I do know that talking about it here on this site seems to be helping me it is comforting to know that there are people out there who care
Thank you for that