I used to love this now I DON"T..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
I used to love this now I DON"T..
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:32am

Last night my H and I were sitting watching TV. I used to love his sense of humor. He could keep me laughing all day and night. However he has a shape wit. He can spine just about anything into a joke of some kind. I used to love that about him. Now when he does it I get angry. I look at his face and how stone cold truthful he looks while setting you up for the punch line. I truly sets me off. To think he con look at you and you are buying every thing he is saying.. Only to be hit with a joke. It makes me think back to all the lies he told me and how he betrayed me. I wonder why I always felt he was so honest before when looking at him now I can see how easy it is for him to pull it off if you will.

Has anyone else found themself hating things they used to love about their spouse?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 9:28am

I am always in awe of people who can look you in the eye and lie to you with a completely straight face. Some people are very good at it, like lawyers, public relations specialists, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, my ex and lobbyists.

I wonder how those people live with themselves, they must be born devoid of a conscience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 9:58am

Yep, my DH is a joker too, now I also see it as part of his pathological liar disease. But I never really liked the joking in the first place....

Also, when he's content or busy doing something around the house, he usually whistles. I used to take great comfort in that. Thinking he was happy here with me and the kids and all the domestic bliss, blah blah blah. Now I think maybe he's whistling and in the back of his head thinking 'This is great! I'm having my cake and eating it too!' Now I just want to slap the whistle right out of his head. And it would also be nice if he were just a little miserable like I've been :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:02am

I feel the same way! My H has always been Mr. Funny Guy - especially around our group of friends. He is always making everything a joke...so much so that I think he's incapable of truly being sincere! Things that never irked me before now make my skin crawl. I can totally sympathize with you! I think a part of me wants everything about who my H is to be different. It's difficult for me when things start feeling close to normal because then I immediately think of how "normal" things felt before dday. I get scared and angry all over again. I struggle with this every day and I feel your frustration!

Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:10am

STBX had a really good sense of humour. Always had something witty to say, could draw on current events and work them into a good retort. I used to enjoy it, it cut the tension. Now I see it as a way to manipulate and take a serious conversation off topic. Since I wasn't buying it at the end, he stopped with the jokes as a cover up and went for the full on avoidance...It stung, but it was at the very least a more honest way of NOT dealing with stuff.

So when I was enamored with him I really enjoyed it, thought it was playful, but afterwards I saw as something else, something that was contributing to the larger issues at hand and an attempt to minimize the biggest trauma I had ever experienced (possibly the largest I will ever experience). It just wasn't "funny" anymore.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 10:41am

Hell, yeah!

One of the things that I loved about my H when we were young was his sense of humor and how "fun loving" he was. Not my take on the situation now, at ALL. His incessant joking is annoying to me now and I'm beginning to think that it's a cover up for his poor communication skills and level of deception. He literally can't have a conversation without cracking at least one joke and when we're out in public, it's a steady stream of his lame jokes.

Like I said in a post above, we see what we want to see when we want to get married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:10am

Also sounds familiar... my husband is so sarcastic and half the time I couldn't tell if he was kidding with me or being serious... he used to do it just to urk me. He'd say something pig-headed knowing that it would tick me off, and then be like, "oh I was just kidding." But the more I think about it, like some of you said, he used those same skills in lying to me... in playing things off. There were rumors at his work that he was having an affair. He even came home and told me that they were going on -- played them off as crazy and even made jokes about them. Can you believe that? We aren't rebuilding right now -- still in no contact. But that ticks me off thinking about it, so if we ever did rebuild, I think that it would really urk me for sure.


 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2005
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 2:40pm
I'm six months from DDay and i feel the same way you do. My bf of six years loves to watch TV while i'm caressing his back. I used to love doing that for him but now when he asks me to do it the only thing i want to do is hit him as hard as i could. This feeling is horrible. Sometimes i asked myself how would i be if i would've end the relantionship right when i found out. Nobody deserves this, nobody. It has taken away my happiness and my peace. Some days i feel like i hate him with all my heart even though he has put his every effort to save our relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:35pm
Don't you feel like , sometimes men were put on this earth just to make us miserable- My Mother use to say that there has to be another species somewhere!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 10:50pm

My husband also likes to tell jokes, and sometimes dirty ones, I am not the type of person who likes jokes, so I just put on this little laugh and say , that was cute, mean while I couldn't stand it.

My new husband of 10 months is driving me nuts , it seems that he has turned into a different person since I moved into his house after we had gotten married. I feel like I don't even know this person. I feel betrayed, its like he was so sweet until we got married.

I was thinking about it today and I came up with how a man is like a boat owner out sailing around, and his wife is the anchor, he gets where he wants, throws the anchor down(The wife) then goes on shore and does whatever he wants, knowing that the anchors there waitng for him, then he comes back , pulls up the anchor and sails off once again!!!!