if there is a baby involved...then what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2009
if there is a baby involved...then what?
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 5:36pm
My H and I have been separated since Jan 1 because of an A - I was 8 months pregnant. I had my beautiful baby boy (who was conceived through invitro) in Feb. A week later my H was seen in a car with the OW. Since then he has been caught sleeping over her house, picking her up from bars, going on hikes and meeting up with her in San Fran. The last "admitted" encounter was in May. He's been in therapy since Feb 2wice a week. He wrote her a good bye letter & cc'd me on it. Each time he claims he LOVES me and wants our family etc...I have seen some progress on his part, so recently, I decided to commit to rebuilding my marriage. We were going to counseling and it seemed to be going well. Or so I thought. I just found out that the OW moved down the street from his place. Yesterday morning he was MIA & flaked on taking my son to the doctor. I went to his house, only to find him walking home from somewhere all disheveled, and when he saw me he ran. So now I feel like I am back at the beginning again. He said he wasn't with her, but everything in my gut says otherwise. So now I want to keep my distance from him - not have outings or dates together and keep conversation to a minimum, till i figure out what I want. He takes care of my son everyday from 3 - till when I get home. How do I deal with seeing him & talking to him. It's so hard. Anyone else in this situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 9:34pm


My STBX cheated on my while I was preggo too (my last two months of pregnancy with baby #2). The A ended in 12/08 and I gave birth the same month. He just told me in July about the affair. We are heading for divorce since he doesn't want to try and work on the marriage. Since we have two small kids, I am trying my best to be civil but it is extremely hard when he just disgusts me. I would trust your instincts on everything. I had a suspicion that he was cheating but truly never thought it was really true. I thought I had too much time on my hands to think while on maternity leave!!!

Do you plan on staying with him? Can you only speak with him when it is to do with your son? I can speak with my STBX when its about the kids. Otherwise, I get all nasty as it is too fresh for me to be nice to him. Plus he doesn't deserve for me to be nice at this point. Just do what feels right for you. I am sorry you are in the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 10:16pm
keeping your distance is really smart of you
do a search for posts called 180 on this site
focus on your well being and treat him like you would a family member
you know be thankful if you feel he is doing a good job with your child but
calm and uninterested in his personal life
I was also cheated on while pregnant
how low can you go huh?
you are strong
show it
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 7:58pm
why do so many men cheat while their wives are pregnant... I was 9 months when he was cheating.. uuchh I find that so disgusting.. when he told me he was crying to me because he also got her pregnant (well what did you think when you dont wear a condom) - anyhow thankfully she decided not to keep the baby.