I'm not sure if I've forgiven him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
I'm not sure if I've forgiven him.
7
Mon, 08-08-2011 - 7:48pm

Hi all,

PIXIE-POO
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 11:07am

I found out back at the end of March about my husbands 2 affairs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Tue, 08-09-2011 - 1:36pm
thanks....We are Christ followers ( well he just become one after all this happened. Sometimes I'm very sceptial about him being born again. I do believehe is trying to be the best he can be. I have a program on the computer to see if he's been doing anything inapproaite and he hasn't. The password is God will heal. In time I'm sure he will.... I also check his phone: not all the time just when I get an feeling. I want soooooo bad to not feel that I need to check on him. I'm taking it day by day too.
PIXIE-POO
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 4:15am
If you have to ask, you probably haven't. It's a dicey area, you want to forgive so badly, but it's pointless to say the words until you truly, genuinely mean them - otherwise they have no meaning at all. And they'll assume you mean it and act accordingly. All you wrote makes sense, just take it one day at a time, it'll happen when you are really ready.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Fri, 08-19-2011 - 10:02am

Au_fan:

I hear you about the "instant forgiveness" thing. When I found out my husband was cheating on me and confronted him about it, I was really pissed off and it was like he wanted me to get started on us patching things up right away. It's been a couple months since we went to counselling and the relationship is better in some ways, but I get so angry at him sometimes (though he doesn't know it) and wonder if I can ever really love him the way I used to. The trust...man, I don't know, the trust is there somewhat, but I still wonder when he's not with me if he's gone back to those women. I found out about his cheating by checking his emails and on one side I'm glad I did, and on the other, I'm sorry I found out that way because I may never get what I read and the pics I saw out of my mind. We're working on restoring things, and he wants us to "go back to when we first fell in love". I'm just not sure if that's possible. The reality is that things have happened that have impacted our relationship and I can't just pretend they didn't happen. Sometimes I seethe inside with words that I would love to cuss him with, but that would just destroy what we've been working hard to mend. *sigh*

It's just hard sometimes. I feel like somebody cut the cord that bound our marriage together and we're trying to stitch it back together. How do I stop myself from these nagging questios? How do I stop torturing myself with remembering the emails betrween him and those women? How do I stop worrying that I'm going to find out that he's cheating on me again. I hope he isn't, but now that it's happened it's really hard to not think it may happen again.

We're both doing what it takes to make our marriage work, but he's often not home because of his job and that REALLY doesn't help my wandering mind. We're Christians and we definitely need to pray together more, but I'm just afraid the "niggling" in the back of my head will never go away...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2003
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 3:09pm

...allizori...

My husband is away a great deal of the time as well with the military, in fact the A started while he was in Iraq for a year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Mon, 08-22-2011 - 11:51pm

You know, I wonder if the (the DHs) feel as bad about this as we do? Because it would be "nice" (for want of a better word) to know that they're angonizing over the trust they betrayed, the hurt they caused. You know, I used to say that if a man cheating on me, that would be it for me and him. Relationship...kaput. *sigh* But I've come to learn that some things are rarely as simple as we think. One day at a time, sweet Jesus....one day at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 8:25am

HI Pixie

I kinda skipped the forgiveness issue, the way I see it - I am still with him that is forgiveness in itself that I still want to be with him.