It's different somehow

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
It's different somehow
5
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 11:02am

This morning the alarm went off and I hit the snooze, she rolled over onto my shoulder as she sometimes does. It's always nice to have someone soft and warm next to you, but I realized that I felt no connection to this person. No feeling that she's "mine" or that there's anything special between us. At that moment it actually felt better than what I've been feeling, the conflict and crushed dreams, the desperate hope that maybe something will change for the better.

Since leaving home for the day I've been really emotional and I can't explain why. Maybe it's uncertainty of how to take the next step. Maybe it's mourning for a lost connection that felt like home. It feels like unexplored territory.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 1:02pm

That is sad.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 1:14pm

It is freedom. At this moment in time you know you are going to be OK no matter what happens. You have your power back. It is no wonder you are emotional. You have let go of someone you love in order to maintain your personal integrity and sanity. You have separated from her emotionally. It isn't what you wanted to do, in essence, you were forced to do it, but you did it and you did the right thing for all of you.

I remember that moment with my xH and it was bittersweet. It came with a sense of having the world open wide at my feet. It is like the beginning of a journey in an adventure tale, that moment of total possibility, excitement mixed with regret and worry.

Even if she does a 180 at this point, things will be different. She will have to do a heck of a lot of work to get you to even consider keeping her. She has let this go too far.

I won't worry about you so much anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 3:41pm

Here's what Phd had to say about this, Phd2 concurred;

I think this is a good sign and is part of the grieving process. The feeling that she was “yours” and that there was “something special between us” was what (W) took away from you due to her actions. You said before that the opposite of love is indifference and this is the new territory you are entering.

I also think that it is good that you are feeling emotional at the same time. This is the kind of thing we are designed to feel emotional about. The important thing is that you don’t need to do anything about it other than to pay attention and let the emotions be real. What is different now is that the emotions are about you, and not about the relationship. That is an important step in becoming whole again.

Stay with this and what happens next is that there will likely be a period of feeling lighter and more optimistic. For the first time in your life you are about to live as John, and not just how you have been defined as a child or as a spouse.

As a good friend, I am really looking forward to see who you become.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 5:30pm
As they say down South, "well, bless your heart."
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 5:39pm
That's a really good point, that no matter what, things will never really be the same again.