Just need some people to relate to

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Just need some people to relate to
3
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:55am

Hi everyone, just stumbled upon this board while searching for a place to talk about my boyfriend's recent infidelity.

We had been dating off and on for a year and he admitted to me about a month ago that he had slept with two women and kissed numerous others (at least 4). He said these all meant nothing to him and were all one-off things. We spent a great deal of time talking and getting over this.

Things have actually been really good since the truth came out. Before that he was flaky and I never knew why. He'd ignore my calls or wouldn't want to see me. I finally had learned why. Ever since the truth came out our relationship feels much stronger and he is much more committed to us.

Now, we do great when we're hanging out together, but when I'm not with him I have trouble sometimes. My mind wanders. I know the names of the girls he slept with so I look them up on Facebook. I try to read their comments, learn about their personalities. I look at their photos. Why do I do this?! In the end it makes me feel crappy. I tell him I do this and all he can say is he doesn't care about those girls so there's no need to look at them. He doesn't really understand from my prospective since I didn't cheat on him so he doesn't know the feeling. But it drives me nuts when I have days like this where I keep sort of "cyber stalking" them.

We are trying to forget these women, but sometimes he bumps into them on campus (he is in college). He says they never run into each other intentionally like a planned thing, it's bound to happen just because they go to the same college and even have mutual friends and I understand that. He says they never talk unless it is a chance running into them. He never thinks about them and I am the girl he wants for sure. It's always me who brings them up though. Ugh!

Does anyone else have similar issues? Any ideas of how I might stop thinking about these girls? I pretty much don't think about them when I am with my boyfriend. But once I go home or when i'm bored at work, they just float into my head.

Thanks so much for reading this! I couldn't tell my friends or family about this aside from a couple select friends because of fears they would hate him so I don't have many people to talk to about this.




Edited 5/3/2010 11:56 am ET by mollz1984
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 12:17pm
hi welcome to the board. i know this is hard. if you really want to try to get them out of your mind. think about other things. Or when he is headed to school have him call you in between classes. Let him know you need a little more security and would prefer to know that he is thinking of only you. It might help. Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:30pm

thank you for your advice!

i just now noticed there is a board here "Betrayed Girlfriends Support"... can you move my post to that board if possible? i didn't realize it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 2:33pm
its okay. either board will work. most people here are married and find out. you might be able to relate to the boyfriend/girlfriend one. but feel free to post either. take care.