Just so tired
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|Mon, 09-14-2009 - 5:02pm|
My H and I have been up and down since his A. Good, bad and indifferent. But really I am tired of him trying to blame our current state on me. But what really took the cake was an episode that happened last week...
It always seems that whatever he is doing is more important than what I am doing and as usual we were arguing about something that needed IMMEDIATE ATTENTION. I thought I was going to be able to take care of it but because of traffic and work restraints I couldn't accomplish the task. He, Having the day off, was furious that I would infringe on his time. To which I just replied that I couldn't talk about it anymore and said goodbye. A friend was in the car and we started talking about how he was acting ridiculously and how I was basically dealing with a child. Then I went on to say that I had talked to another of my friends recently( who is an ex from like 20 years ago and is a good friend, who my H suddenly wanted me to stop talking to) and someone had threatened him that if he and I had anymore contact there would be problems for me.
Well....come to find out...my phone didn't hang up and he was listening to the entire conversation. And all he could say was that he couldn't believe that I had talked to my ex and how could he trust me? Trust me? Are you kidding? I'm not the one that was having an A. I'm not the one that lied about it for 7 years, refused to go to counselling for 2 years and so on!
I'm just tired of fighting this never ending battle of emotional war. Who said what, who did what, and all of the other lines we walk when this is happening to us. I forgive him for what he did but he doesn't seem to understand that along with all of his actions come consequences. He thinks that to forgive is to forget and simply move on. I think on the other hand that forgiveness may be a peace that you gain to cope with what has happened but emotionally it a long long road to recover all the things that you have lost.
Does anyone have any insight....anything at all.