Just want to scream!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Just want to scream!
6
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 1:41pm

...or punch my H or his partner in the face!!!


We went to our first MC appointment on Tuesday, which seemingly went well. We go back next Tuesday. My H talked a lot more than I did the other day...I think I'll take next week as my turn.


We were talking earlier, not fighting, just regular how's your day going type of stuff. But he's at work, so of course he's talking to her too. He "pretended" to whistle at her when she was walking back to the ambulance from going in the bank, which of course irritated me, because I don't find it amusing at all. So for some reason, she thinks that she has the right to be pissed at me.


He said something about them going to pick up their supervisor and that I should be happy because then he wouldn't be by himself with her and they couldn't jump in the back of the ambulance together if their supervisor was there. And of course I was like "Umm...y'all shouldn't be doing that anyway." So he starts saying how they were back there together before they got their patient and I said "Well yeah, to do inventory, I know y'all have to do that." My a**hole H asked his partner "Were we back there doing inventory?" and she goes "No, I don't think that's what we were doing" and he says "Yeah, me niether." I hung up.


Then he texts me to say that she'll stop being a b*tch when I stop referring to her as his GF. I'm sorry, but if she's gonna say sh*t like that that sure as h*ll seems like she's his GF, I'm going to think she is, and I have every right to be a b*tch to her, while she has no right to be one to me.


The really immature parts of me want to either hit her or go tell her H some of the things my H said about her while he was drunk. Because I know her H is insecure about her being around my H, and it would cause problems between them if I said stuff to him.....but I know that's not the mature adult thing to do. Just part of me wants to show her how much of a b*tch I can be if she's going to be one to me.


Ok, there I vented...I"m still mad. So, anyone who's been through MC, should I talk to my H about this when he gets home, or should I wait until Tuesday and just bring it up at the appointment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 2:51pm

I don’t know this seems quite weird to me. He doesn’t seem to get it AT ALL. It seems like this is all a joke to him. It’s really sad to read that your husband seems to be so heartless.
And to be fair your issue isn’t with her but with how your husband is allowing this behavior to carry on.

I remember an old bf of mine once told me how two girls approached him and asked if he wanted a threesome. He actually told me about this and how hard it was to say no but he did and expected me to be proud of him his words “I told you because I thought you’d be proud of me” LOL well no numb skull its expected! So for your husband to say that you should be glad he isn’t alone with her because then that means he can’t go in the back is stupid and I’m glad you said that, because well….he shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

I think the fact that he is protecting her and not you is a major red flag, telling you conditions that YOU must follow as to not make HER upset…that doesn’t sit right with me. It just seems he isn’t in this 100% with you and is just going through the motions to have you stick around.

I really don’t see talking to your husband as solving anything to be honest. He has made it clear that she holds a higher candle in his life then you, and no matter how much talking you do he just won’t get it. I’ve read all your posts and he doesn’t strike me as the most mature person in the world. Will that change? I don’t know but even his behaviour in this rant of yours shows me he thinks this is a game, he doesn’t understand the severity of the pain you are going through and makes jokes about it like its nothing. That is concerning.

I hope all works out with you but please keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 3:49pm

I don't know your whole story so my comments are based soley on this one post ...


wth??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Sat, 06-20-2009 - 4:27am

"So he starts saying how they were back there together before they got their patient and I said "Well yeah, to do inventory, I know y'all have to do that." My a**hole H asked his partner "Were we back there doing inventory?" and she goes "No, I don't think that's what we were doing" and he says "Yeah, me niether." I hung up."


They're making a fool out of you.


I think it's time you took steps to remove yourself from this situation and this "marriage" you have with this man.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 4:22pm
wow
I agree with the other posters
he is cruel
he should not even be speaking with her especially during a conversation with you
he is not treating you right
I would encourage you to turn them in to the supervisor what they are doing is wrong and they both deserve to be busted and much more, let these two losers have each other gee what a prize they are
you will be so much better off without this abuse and his lame pretending
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 4:34pm

I ended up waiting until our appoinment to talk tohim about it. He apologized (which I'm sure was insincere), and I brought up all the other things that I think are wrong about their relationship. Our MC told him that what he's doing is wong, and that whether he acknowledges it or not this is an EA with high risk of turning into a PA (which I don't completely believe it hasn't). So in the appointment he says that she's right, he didn't see it that way, he's sorry blah blah blah. He says that he'll get a new partner or new job.


I asked him yesterday if he had figured out a way to fix it yet - had he talked to his boss. He said he talked to her and requested a new, male partner, but that it would be 3 weeks before they get the other ambulance and therefore before he gets a new partner. Is it wrong that I'm totally not ok with this "Ok I'll fix it, but first I get to have 3 more weeks of my affair." ??? To me that sounds like plenty of time for it to become physical, get more attached because they'll miss each other soon, and all of that.


MC told him that the going to nice restaurants, walks in the park, all of the date-like things he has been doing with her are wrong, especially since he doesn't do those things with me. So, what was he doing today during his downtime??? Eating at a nice mexican restaurant with her. And I think he paid for both of them - sounded like it on the phone anyway. I heard him tell the waiter thank you and the waiter tell them to have a good day, and him tell his partner "It was $20.62," which to me implies that he already paid it. I heard nothing about her owing such-and-such amount or anything that would imply that she was paying for her own meal. And regardless of who paid, what is he doing eating at a nice restaurant with her today when we just discussed on Tuesday that it's clearly wrong for him to be doing that???


But of course, he's mad at me for assuming that he paid for her meal. And he started a fight when I called, for no apparent reason. All I asked was if he was getting paid, not in a rude tone of voice or anything, and he totally jumped my @ss. I guess because if he's nice to me and can't find a way to make me yell at him, then he can't complain to her about how much of a b*tch I am.


Their behavior is really high-school-ish, and I do have 2 kids to worry about. It hurts to think that he doesn't love me, but I know that he must not. This isn't how you treat someone you love. And I really want to tell her H and report them to their boss, but as much as I want her gone, I can't afford for my H to lose his job. It's our only income. I have a job interview next week, so maybe after that I could afford for him to lose his job - or for me to move out. (But we all know I keep getting up the courage to do something and then I chicken out).


Now I'm angry with him again and I don't even feel like I CAN talk to him about it until our next MC appointment - not that I really understand why we're going. Why is it so hard to stop loving him, when he clearly has had no problem with stopping his love for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 8:14pm

"So So in the appointment he says that she's right, he didn't see it that way, he's sorry blah blah blah. He says that he'll get a new partner or new job. in the appointment he says that she's right, he didn't see it that way, he's sorry blah blah blah. He says that he'll get a new partner or new job."


So infront of the MC he's showing remorse and agrees that he's in the wrong.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs